Money less youth ministry

The minor league baseball team that I serve as chaplain is doing a promotion this week

“Ball-less” baseball…in celebration and recognition of feminism   (only in New York, right!)

ball-less baseball promotion

But what a clever title…if you get it (i have to stay PG on this blog ladies and gentlemen)

This randomness does have a point which you will see later.

A good friend of mine is a youth pastor about 20 miles down the road from me.  Traditionally his church, like my own, has a good amount of money.  We are both located in bedroom communities of NYC and the majority of our congregants work in the financial district down in Manhattan. Stock brokers, hedge firms, bank CEO’s, etc..

Well, last year his church gave him $35,000 to be used for youth mission trip.  With that kind of cash, he decided to bring a large group to Africa and partner with a denominational missionary.  Awesome stuff.

He was told that another $35,000 would be given to him for this year and naturally he planned a few mission trips and basically his youth ministry around that promise of financial bling.

Then the ball dropped on the US economy and of course our county was one of the hardest hit because everyone worked down in Manhattan.  I estimate that close to 50% of his church lost their jobs, not to mention everyone losing big in their savings and retirements.  People who usually give thousands extra from their stock options couldn’t give.  People had little to no money to tithe. You get the picture.

The church relinquished the money for youth missions and went a step further and took away the yearly youth ministry operating budget.  

Now I am not bashing the church.  They did what they had to do in this tough economic crisis we are in. After all the needed to pay the staff and the heating bill, and I suppose I would rather lose my mission budget then my job or have to work in freezing temps for 8 months of the year.

But can you imagine planning your entire year and mission programs believing that all of this money was at your disposal, only to have the rug pulled out from beneath you months before the trip?

Students went scrambling to raise money to go and unfortunately over half of the students planning to go this summer are not able to as of yet.

But this whole situation got me thinking…what if this happened to me?  What if this happens next year?

What would i do?  How would I react?

Would the youth ministry remain solid and strong?  Would we find ourselves in a crisis situation

I started to realize just how much money plays a vital role in our current structure of youth ministry.  

So, here is my question( which relates in a way back to my opening statement)

Can youth ministry exist in a money-less context?

Can we have $$-less youth group?

If so, what would it look like?

 

I wonder if we have succumbed so much into the marketing and materialistic side of culture that we have forgotten what youth ministry is all about!

Now, my friend’s initial reaction was that God would find a way to provide.  That is good theology and I believe it….in part.

But how much will God provide?  The entire $35,000?

What if God only provides $12,546.82?

Have we set ourselves up to be completely dependent on the dollar?  

Does our economy dictate our youth ministry structure?  Should it?

Listen, I am to blame on this one.  As I write this, I look at my summer calendar full of days trips, service project weeks, movie nights, mini-golf, etc…

Almost every single event costs money.  Even the activities we do at the church, while they may not cost our students money, take a toll on my youth budget.  But the elders don’t mind because it gets students here and so it is money well spent.   Or is it?

In the course of an average year, if a student were to participate in every event we offer, they would probably have to shell out between $1,000-$2,000.  But parents don’t mind since the price of golf memberships here run $30,000+ with $5,000 annual fees.  Hey, a few grand to keep my kid involved in church is a great deal.

Now for students who cannot afford, we offer scholarships to ensure that every single student can go if they want to.  But again, everything revolves around money (and in a sense entertainment)

I realize this is where our culture is, and I do believe in embracing culture.  But I also believing in the power of Jesus to transform culture in areas that are counter biblical.

It appears to me in the books of Acts that monies collected in the early church went directly to help the widows and orphans and to feed the hungry. At some point, even Paul argues, that those who do the Lord’s work should receive money for it so they don’t have to work elsewhere. But I wonder where in the history of Christianity did the tithe money go towards funding students boat trip on the Seal of Galilee, their ski trip on Sinai, and purchasing the latest lights to trick out the synagogue teen room!

What would it look like to do youth ministry that requires no money?

I also realize that part of this dilemma may be cultural.  I have served briefly in some inner city youth ministries that have no budgets and whose students cannot afford daily meals, let alone weekend retreats. They find a way to have dynamic youth ministries based on community and identity, without having to break open wallets or piggy banks (does anyone have those anymore anyway?)

Perhaps we in the burbs can learn valuable lessons from other contexts.  While their economic situation necessitates no budget ministry, perhaps we will come to realize that it is our spiritual and kingdom situation that requires such an approach and change.

Can meetings really exist without pizza?

Can we do retreats locally at homes and churches and charge nothing and have just the same affect and outcome?

Could we find enough fun and free events and activities to do to keep our students busy but also connected?

I am trying to think of the last time I brought them to our local park.

People’s houses can easily replace restaurants.

Parks and pools can be fun summer outings.

All I am doing now is asking the questions to myself and to you. I would love to hear stories (any stories) of how you have done it or are in the process of this kind of rethinking. 

I realize that in many other ways our society is going “less”

Paperless

wireless

strapless

cordless

hairless

fume-less

What about a youth ministry that is $$-less

calorie free

fat free

YM Budget free?

Send your thoughts, ideas, dreams, and visions over and let’s share together.

Let me know what has worked and what are some areas that you feel can be $$ less and others that might not be able to.

 

 ³²All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.³³With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. ³⁴There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales ³⁵and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need.

 

My Hero

I am in debt.

No, my credit card bills are not piling up (hopefully) but I owe a huge debt of gratitude towards my father.

I would not be the person and pastor I am today were it not for him.

They say we are all products of our own choices and decisions.  

While this is true, the way our parents raise us often determines how we make those life changing choices.

I would like to share a bit of my life with you today, especially as it relates to my father.

In some ways, this entry serves as an on-line journey (guys don’t call them dairies, but its basically the same thing!)

As I reflect back and process my upbringing and the impact my dad had on me, perhaps you will be encouraged to do the same. 

Perhaps your father has passed away, but you can take some time to remember back.  Perhaps he is still with you and this Father’s Day might be a bit different having taken some time to look back with a new and fresh perspective.  Perhaps you never knew your father, but have come to a loving understanding and relationship with your heavenly father.  I don’t know your story, but I hope that mine can speak to all sons (and daughters) out there.

It is not an extraordinary story.  It is not an uncommon story.  but that’s the point.  It is a very common story, perhaps much like yours, but it is my story, which I embrace and now share.

My father, Gary Haugh, was raised in Lexington, MA (birth place of the American Revolution).  His ancestry and parents were Norwegian..making him of course Norwegian.  Besides skiing, Norwegians are known for a bit of stoicism, hard work, conservative lifestyle and beliefs, and a love for boats (and i guess violent conquering if you factor the Vikings into the equation!)

Gifted with a brilliant mind, he enveloped himself into philosophy from the ancients to the contemporaries of his time who turned out to be the founders of postmodern thought).   I am sure like most of us, during his early high school years his curiosity got the best of him at times and he wandered from the faith tradition he was raised in. But Jesus had a plan and my father followed it by his late teens and early twenties.   He went to the University of Maine for undergrad and then attended Trinity Evangelical Divinity Seminary for his masters.  Called toward a deeper pursuit of truth and knowledge and with a desire to serve students, he volunteered as a youth leader at Grace Chapel in Lexington MA where he met and fell in love with my mom.  They got married and moved out to Indiana where he attended the University of Notre Dame (Go Irish!) and was working towards his PHD in Philosophy and Christian thought.

Now here is where the story turns.

Guess who suddenly came on the scene?  Yours truly. 

The first big decision my father had to make, and for which I will always be grateful and inspired by, was a choice between his personal and professional future or his young family and new son.

He choose the later.  He choose our future and not his own.

 Forgoing to finish his studies, my dad and mom moved back home to MA to have me.  After moving back from Indiana, my dad took a job with Analog Devices for about a year.  He worked the late shift and during that year I was born.

My mom recalls that when she had me, my dad would work his shift, go to my Nana’s house and rest for a bit, (the job was closer to my grandparents house than where we lived at the time) then come to the hospital (Winchester) to visit us. As she put it, “He was tired, but so proud of his little boy.”

 My dad took a job working at my uncle’s fish store in Arlington and my parents eventually moved into the second story apartment of my other  grandparents house in Arlington to save money and be close to family.  While still living in Arlington, my father started working UPS while still with Adams Seafood.  They needed the insurance and the extra pay helped make ends meet.

My entire family, including cousins all lived within a 15 minute drive and every holiday and birthday was celebrated together.  I went to the same school as my cousins and my family was everything to me.  That was my life and it was a great life.

I never realized what sacrifices both of my parents made until I got much older.  

I also never realized what I did not have.  It never once crossed my mind to compare what we had (and did not have) with my other friends.

My younger sister Lauren came along a few years later and by the time I was 12 my parents were able to purchase their first home and so we moved to NH.   My dad had to continue to work two jobs to provide for our family. 

He managed a Friendly’s restaurant by day and then worked the night shift at a UPS warehouse. I never thanked him for that back then because I was young and selfish and never understood the tremendous sacrifice he made for his family.

And yet despite putting in all those hours (and I am sure stressing over finances), my sister and I never once had a need.  

Church and ministry was always a priority and so was spending time with his two children. 

My dad never missed one baseball game and we made sure to take family vacations. Apparently when I was younger my dad and I were talking and he mentioned something about working long hours – wishing he had had more time with me, and I said ” Dad, even though you were busy – you always made the time to be there”…… and he did.

Every January we were go to Cape Cod.  January?  Yes, January. 

Back then, I just thought it was a great time to get away since we had an extra few days off, but I am sure that the prices were much cheaper then and we probably could not afford to visit Cape Cod during the summer.  But it didn’t matter.  I looked forward to going every year and staying at the Gull Wing hotel and going to my favorite Hearth and Kettle restaurant where we would sit by the window overlooking the pond and watch the geese swim. 

We would also vacation every summer at Lake Winnapasaukee in NH.  My father grew up going there in the summers as well, and it was there that I learned to swim, fish, hit a whiffle ball, drive a boat, and learned about the beauty and majesty of God’s creation.  I still take 1-2 weeks every August and return for vacation.

Every other vacation we would drive to visit family or see historic sites from America’s past.  I never flew on a plane or visited Disney World, but I never cared.  Looking back, I wonder if my dad felt bad about those vacations and about what we were not able to do, but perhaps he saw the joy that it brought his children and thanked God for those moments.

I have learned that is not about  what you do or where you go, but about how you make the the most of every opportunity. 

I have students in my youth group now who travel the world with their families (Africa, Europe, hosting private Disney parties) but have virtually no relationship with their father. Money cannot buy happiness anymore than it can buy a relationship with your dad.

Also looking back I was never ashamed or embarrassed about what my father did.  Where I live now, what your father does becomes a symbol and source of identity and a mark of either pride or ridicule.  The students whose fathers are CEO’s in NYC or celebrities are thought more highly of than those whose father’s just work for “the man”.

But growing up, I loved what my dad did. When he managed the fish store, every Saturday he would pick me up in the “Big Truck” (which turns out was never that big!),  and we would drive into Boston to pick up fresh fish from the markets.  I would eagerly wait with excitement gazing out my frond window at home until I saw my dad pull up in the truck. I loved Saturdays and still the smell of ocean and fish brings back amazing childhood memories.  My dad would sign hymns and other Christian songs like “As the Deer” to me on those drives.  He probably didn’t have the greatest voice in the world, but to me it was angelic and when I hear those same songs today, it brings tears to my eyes.

When he worked at Friendly’s I would go in and get fries and a coke and want to help cook or clean or whatever I could do.  Through his example, my dad taught me the value of hard work and there is no shame in providing for your family. In fact, it is a great honor and responsibility that he took seriously.

One more note to share.    While we were still in MA, we switched churches.  I cannot remember why, but it may have had to do with the enormous size our church was getting and my parents wanting to be a be part of a more intimate community. (hmm sound like much of my writing and views?)

But at this new church, there was no youth group.  They could not afford a youth pastor and so my dad volunteered to lead the youth group.  There were probably 3-4 guys in total, but my dad gave up one evening a week to come to the church.  There was no budget I am sure, but on the way to church we would stop by the grocery store to pick up some chips and soda out of his own pocket.

 I remember playing kickball and other fun games both indoors and outdoors and I remember my dad being there.  I really don’t remember any particular lesson, but I do remember that I made friends there and learned about God’s love and plan for my life.  

I had a good time and looked forward to youth group.  That stuck with me over the years and though I strayed from the faith for some time, I was well rooted and established and eventually came back to youth group and to Jesus.

My dad was no youth ministry expert and I am sure it was a challenge to take his higher level advanced thinking about the faith and bring it down to a level where 8-14 year old boys could grasp it.  But my dad was present to us and he was always present to me.  His presence made God’s presence seem real and tangible.  God used my father in bigger ways than even he could have imagined.  Twenty years later his son (me) is a youth pastor and speaking and writing to encourage those just like my father.

I am also blessed because my father is still with me and hopefully will be for years. Our relationship has grown and developed into a true friendship.  He was my best man in my wedding two years go. 

When I went through a very difficult personal and spiritual time a number of years back, my dad was there for me.  He was there to listen, to cry, and and prayer. 

When I was ordained as a pastor, my father was there to support and celebrate.

And when the Red Sox finally won the World Series, my father was the first person I called.

Often on Father’s Day, we get or receive tools.  Most guys like tools (regardless if they even know how to use them!)

A few years back my dad gave me a great little book called “10 Things I Want My Son to Know: Getting him ready for Life” by Steve Chapman.

There is a great poem inside that I wanted to share as it relates to the “tools” of fatherhood.

“Tools for the Trade”

If you are a father, you are a builder

And your children will become what you’ve made

Please do your best, and please don’t forget

God gave you the tools for the trade

He gave you eyes to see where your child might go wrong

And feet to lead them safely through

Hands to hold their hands

And lips to say, “I love you”

He gave you arms to hold them when they are afraid

Time to wait until they’re calm

Ears to hear between their lines

Tears to cry when they’re gone

And your knees are for playing

And they’re also for praying

That God will watch over the child

And in those times you can’t say it

But they still need to hear it

You can say, “I love you” with your smile

If you are a father, you are a builder

And your children will become what you’ve made

Please don’t forget that you can do your best

God gave you the tools for the trade 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

They say that when a person passes, what is left is our memories and his or her legacy.  I will always have great memories of my dad and hope to build on them in the years to come.  We have pilgrimages each summer traveling across the  country watching our beloved Red Sox play in different stadiums and experience the local cuisines and pubs.

But I know that one day those moments will cease and so I desire to make the most of every single opportunity I can, and I encourage you to do to the same.

I know that one day my father will enter the presence of Jesus.  He will be known then through his son, me.  I hope to make him proud and build on his legacy.  I hope the name Haugh is known far and wide and that my dad’s story is told.  I hope we are remembered for our grace filled love, pursuit  of knowledge and truth, and relationship with Jesus that impacted people and changed lives.

We share great moments now talking theology, faith, philosophy, sports, and enjoying much different vacations than when I was a child, but the spirit has always remained the same.  I am one of the fortunate ones.  Through my earthly father, I have experienced the love of my heavenly father in ways unimaginable.  I have witnessed first hand loving discipline, grace, forgiveness, and hope that only a father can provide.  Through my dad I have received a glimpse of what God is like and my deepest prayer is that if God blesses me with a son or daughter some day, I can follow in the footsteps of my dad. 

Through my father’s sacrifice and selflessness, I have learned the value of family, hard work, faith in Christ, commitment, being content in all situations, and enjoying all that life has to offer. 

In youth ministry, my greatest heroes are the volunteers, men and women, moms and dads untrained, but with a love of God and a desire to see students come to know him. 

In life my hero is my father, Gary Haugh. 

Thank you Dad and I will always cherish our memories

with much love, affection, and deep appreciation

Happy Father’s Day to all.

Daniel Gary Haugh-     Father’s Day, 2009

(dad with his new son)

(the young Haugh family in Lexington, MA)

(Dad and son while in Haiti)

(dad as best man on August, 11, 2007)

Shift #6: From Big To Small

Here is the over simplified statement.

We need to get smaller.

 Ok, I don’t actually mean losing weight like in the Biggest Loser (kind of a cool and ironic title)

Youth ministries need to get smaller.  

We have lost our sense of intimacy, community, and intimacy when we moved to the big arenas and stadium style seating in our youth rooms.  The early churches were house churches. They were small, organic, and probably felt much like a family gathering.  Small youth groups have a similar feel and that is a good thing.  These are the groups when each student is personally contacted and has relationships with the youth pastor and youth leaders.  Names are known, specific prayers are offered, birthdays are celebrated, prom pictures taken, sporting games, school recitals, graduations and hopefully one day weddings attended.

In these types of groups and settings, when one student is missing, it changes the dynamics of the entire community.  They feel special, wanted, appreciated, and invested in.  It is hard to have that kind of atmosphere in the midst of hundreds of students.  For those of you in large churches, don’t think of your situation as better.  You probably have a greater challenge in finding ways to create a sense of small and intimate than the small church leader down the road.

 I personally cannot speak of that situation. I don’t know what it is like to have 500 students show up at a youth meeting like many of you might. But I hope to learn from you and possibly encourage/challenge you to put yourself in their shoes for the evening.  While I am sure the glamor and excitement of the lights, music, skits, band, and youth pastor protected on the overheard screen is appealing, how do those things reach down into the inner pockets of their heart and soul?  Sometimes students can easily hide behind the glitz never to fully engage their entire beings.  For deep healing to occur, for spiritual formation to develop, for authentic and life-long relationships to be built, and for the still small voice of God’s spirit to be heard, we must get smaller… somehow.

I have adapted and combined some previous posts regarding this and concluded with a new ending.  This new culmination serves as additional thoughts, questions, and challenges regarding the Big vs. Small issue of youth ministry.

 My premise is that emerging youth ministries will celebrate being small or (for the bigger ones) find ways to create a more intimate atmosphere for students. 

There exists a myth out there that bigger is better.  This myth certainly has impacted the maintstream media but has also found its way into youth ministry and has infiltrated our philosophies and approache.  I will explain.At youth group, we play a game about once a year called “Bigger or Better”

We send groups of 5 out into the community armed with one roll of toilet paper. (not to throw at houses and cars as some students have assumed over the years!)  Each group’s goal is to obtain something from a neighbor that is either bigger or better. Sounds pretty simple, but you would be amazed at the stories over the years…and the crap we have received! (not to mention a few police run ins). 

One thing that this sort of game demonstrates is that the roll of toilet paper really is not very desirable.  And, while it is fairly easy to observe and judge which new item is bigger…how does each group decide upon what is better?  I would imagine their thought process and decision making would alter depending on whether or not someone really had to the use the bathroom!

Awhile back,  I was down south (in the heart of the Bible belt) and was talking with some fellow youth pastors.  One of whom had a very large youth group.  He was a great guy and never once actually threw out a number (like so many youth pastors do)

By the way…have you ever noticed when someone at a conference asks “How is your ministry doing?” generally they really mean to say “how big is yours?…..”

But this guy talked about their programs, the masses of “unreached” students who come into their warehouse each Friday to play video games, skateboard, make fried food, and hear a message about Jesus.

All of which sounded really cool (and since his youth group business card had a cool graphic design on it) I stood awed and amazed.

For some reason, I figured I could learn from this guy since his made mine look small (typical boy locker room stuff, right?)

I don’t mean to be crude, but this was actually how I felt that evening.

So when my turn came to speak about my ministry, I sheepishly told him what we did not have.

That list was pretty long and took some time to verbalize.

But then…

I shared with him the graduation parties I went to, the birthday parties, sporting events, and recitals I have been to. I shared with him the times I have had my students over for a meal, the intimate and honest conversations we have each night at youth group, and how I truly feel like part of their family over the years.

Tears started to form in his eyes.

And as he wiped away the misty glow he stated, “Man, that’s what youth ministry is supposed to be about. I envy what you guys have going up there in New York.”

Imagine that!  A big time Bible belt mega church youth pastor envious of some no name, no logo, no website youth ministry tucked away in the liberal North East!

So what’s so amazing is that in the pursuit of the Big, we have lost a sense of the Best.

Students really don’t care about being entertained or being surround by thousands of teens. Sure, it may generated a sense of temporary excitement, but what they ultimately value and appreciate are youth leaders who enter into their lives and not stand apart from it.

You see, it is easier to hide behind productions and programs that we do for the teens, than to enter into the messiness of teenage life and be burdened by their individual struggles, fears, and doubts.

But the last time I check, most youth pastors went into the ministry to do just that. But somewhere along the way we got the Bigger is Better itch (maybe at a conference or by visiting another youth group.

We come back to our tiny youth room with old couches and think..I must be doing something wrong.

We think…”Maybe a new book with new ideas will spark my ministry. Maybe I need a bigger budget. Yeah, that’s the ticket. A bigger budget will somehow lead to more students, and then somehow having more students will lead to more spiritual growth.”

I contend that sometimes just the opposite is true in emerging youth ministry.

I was recently at a panel discussion for youth pastors and the question asked by one of the youth ministry students was “how large is your youth group?”  While a few were teetering around 10-15, the majority of youth groups in our area hover around 25-35 students (who actually attend). Of course there is always that anomaly. This particular youth leader proudly boasted of over 100 students. Everyone was enamored until they heard me.

(you are probably thinking to your self, “self, how big is his youth group?)

I answered by saying we have _____amount of students, but are trying to get…smaller!

Stunned silence. This was probably not the reaction or answer they were expecting.

You don’t often hear youth pastors saying that they are trying to decrease in size.

Have you ever heard any type of entrepreneurial business or organization boast of downsizing?

But, if we were to be honest with ourselves, isn’t  that what youth ministry has actually become?

A sort of self-promoting entrepreneurial enterprise…that exists for the glory of God..(and self) but of course we keep that on the hush hush!

Usually, youth pastors try to get large budgets, higher attendance, more buses, and use what they have to leverage for more and better.

Kind of sounds like a start-up company turning into a Fortune 500!

And certainly the Wall Streets of youth ministries are known across the country, and envied by everyone.

well..not everyone

Now let me clarify the subtitle of this chapter. By downsizing I do not necessarily mean preaching so hard a message that would drive away even the apostle Paul from your youth group. Nor do I advocate installing morality detectors at the door to minimize the number of unruly or uncommitted students.

It should be noted that some argue for this, because Jesus was apparently always thinning out the crowds looking for the “true disciples”.

I don’t think it is wise to intentionally try to eliminate kids (yes even the really smelly and annoying ones who always seem to show up early and leave late)

However, rather then focusing so much time, effort, and often money into bring new kids in…

let’s focus on equipping and ministering to the ones we already have!

If the youth group grows, so be it.

But even if it does not (numerically), your current students will experience life-changing relationships that will impact their high school and college years through adulthood (and probably will be a greater impact for the kingdom of God down the road then many of the mega groups)

Here are some ides:

Rather than do your annual winter ski retreat that 50 kids will come out to, change your winter retreat to a weekend service project. your may “downsize” to 25 kids but will guarantee have more of an impact of those who do come.

Change your popular progressive diner night to a feeding the hungry night (help out with a food pantry, soup kitchen, or actually walk the streets and feed the homeless)

With big groups comes big challenges 

But I think that one of the biggest problems is that the sheer size of a group can limit the possibilities and potential.

It is hard to be accountable to 50 friends.

It is hard to see how you make a difference when lost in a crowd of 2,000 at some conference

It is hard to commune (fellowship) with God and others when being shuffled around like cattle from thing to thing in the midst of an endless torrent of media.

Simply put, it is really hard to journey down the path of spiritual formation and connectivity in the big.

This could be one of the reasons why house churches worked so well for the early church and some people argue that the institution of Christianity in Rome (and subsequent building of massive worship centers) began the downfall of the early church.

Mark Oestricter (YS Marko) brilliantly states,   “Smallness prioritizes relationships over numbers”, and only in the small can students genuinely and authentically discover true mission, identity, communion, and intimacy with others and God.

He continues this theme in his book Youth Ministry 3.0

Communion necessitates small.

Contextualization begs for small.

Discernment requires small.

Mission is lived out in small.

So, if your current youth ministry is not as big as you once dreamed, thank God for that and refocus your time and effort on the spiritual health and growth of the students.

Another problem with large youth ministries is big events.

There used to be a time where I wanted to host big events…I have to admit.

The more students who walked into our doors, the more impactful I thought the night would be.

In my mind, this equation was constantly at work

more students= better youth group

Things have changed however.

Last year we hosted a Halloween party with another youth group.

We packed the place out, the kids were crazy, and it took us about 2 hours to clean up after. Of course with that came a bunch of noisy, chaotic teenagers running around our church loaded up on candy and dressed funky.

At first i thought I was the man!

I mean really…having that many kids in our church at one time (I could even somehow manipulate the numbers so it looked like our average attendance was increasing..brownie points for elders!)

But as I got to reflecting and conversing with my team, I realized that something was amiss.

I asked these important, and often missed questions, and received these answers.

How many conversations did you have with new kids?- zero

How many in depth conversations did you have with our own kids?- zero

Do you think the kids felt or experience the warmth and love of Jesus?- maybe, but doubtful

Then it hit me like a bulldozer plowing into an old building..or more like getting smacked in the privates if the truth be told.

We were so busy doing crowd control that we could not do youth ministry!

So, why did we do this event in the first place?

Now, sometimes these events are worthwhile for a number of reasons

1)  You can get to know new students and have new students get to know your program.

2) It can provide and safe and easy way for students to invite their friends to church.

3)  Once you have them in your church, you can lock the doors, give them pizza and then trick them into listening to a message about their sins!

But what I have experienced and conclude is that an overall approach like this is unhealthy and unwise and should not be our ultimate aim or goal (as it was mine when I first started out)

I mistakingly thought that we would really “arrive” as an established youth ministry if we could begin hosting large events like this maybe once a month. I would lie awake at night imagingin having multiple youth groups, kids coming in from the streets, maybe even atract a football player or two!

All the while, never realizing that what we have already been doing…had been incredible and powerful.

The Wed nights, emails, conversations, coffee times, MacDonalds visits, recitals, dinner invitations at home, with the group we already had…these were building long-lasting friendships.

We were really entering into the lives of these students, their pain and suffering along with their joys and hopes.

It is hard to do that with teenagers you meet just once and hardly have the time to even get their names right.

So for the sake of our students, let’s find ways to get smaller.  Perhaps through intentional small groups, more phone conversations, one-on-one meetings, smaller and more frequent events, etc… we can create an atmosphere where every single student feels cared for and nurtured.  

In a way, we want to be like that great TV show back in the 80’s Cheers

Cheers- Boston

 

 

Our students want to go where “Everybody knows your name”. 

I will close simply by posting the lyrics to the famous theme song from the show.  I think these words can aptly describe what we hope our youth ministries feel like to students.  Emerging youth groups will have that Cheers type of atmosopher and live out the lyrics 

- Cheers Lyrics

Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got. 
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. 

Wouldn’t you like to get away? 

Sometimes you want to go 

Where everybody knows your name, 
and they’re always glad you came. 
You wanna be where you can see, 
our troubles are all the same 
You wanna be where everybody knows 
Your name. 

You wanna go where people know, 
people are all the same, 
You wanna go where everybody knows 
your name. 

 

Shift #5- from Agenda driven to Presence centered

Typically youth pastors don’t like agendas.  If we attend a conference and an agenda is given to us, we usually intentionally blow off a good number of the “required” meetings.   Our eyes roll back when we sit in a board meeting and a lengthy agenda is handed to us and we know that we will be there for a long time.  We don’t like people telling us what we have to do and when we have to do it.

We feel a bit babied 

Agendas can be useful and helpful to keep people on track and focused.  Agendas can lead to productivity and a sense of accomplishment, but when agendas dominate the day, there is a lack of freedom that quite often is counter productive to true growth and personal maturity.

Here is the deal with youth ministry.

We have 2 agendas.

The first agenda is what we hope to accomplish at each youth meeting. I have  attended some youth groups that actually have a print out of exactly what they are doing for every five minute span.

example:

7-7:05- Welcome

7:05-7:12- announcement videos

7:12-7:15- prayer

7:15-:730- lesson

etc..

they even had a scheduled 14 minutes for “hang out time”

Sometimes students are even handed these agenda/ schedules upon arrival at the meetings and told they must follow.

I wonder, where is the room for creativity, flexibility, fellowship, the movement of God’s spirit?

The second type of agenda is more hidden, but can be more harmful.

We set up agendas for each student in our ministry. For example,  what we want them to get out of our lessons, how we want them to grow spiritually, what we want them to look like upon graduation, and so on. 

My old mission statement actually had these words:  ”upon graduation we want our students to…..”

So we spend all of this time creating programs that will attract students to our ministry and then set up structures and systems so that that will buy in and conform to our agendas for them. 

Now there is nothing wrong (I believe) with having goals for your ministry and hopes and dreams for your students. We should. They will drive our prayer life and move us with compassion.

However, often what is lost is just being present with the students…no agendas driving our conversations or relationships.

You see if we have certain agendas and they do not pan out they way we planned or hoped for, then often we get disappointed and frustrated and those emotions wear on our sleeves like a bad stain of wine (or grape juice for you Baptists)

Often our affection, time, and prayer are affected by our agendas.  What happens to our relationships with students once they clearly will not live up to our agendas?  I recently had a conversation with a father of a former female student who is getting married to her girlfriend.  He told me, “My goals for my daughter (married, 2.5 kids, house in suburbs) is clearly not going to happen. My prayer now is that God’s will.”

Being Presence-centered simply means be fully engaged in the lives of our teens.  Looking at them with the eyes of Jesus. Actively listening to their stories, struggles, fears, hopes, and dreams and allowing them the freedom to be…them. 

Mark Yaconelli writes these words about the presence centered ministry of Jesus:

“In contrast to our lives of spinning isolation is Jesus’ life of relationship and presence.  Jesus’ presence, his capacity to love and be with people, is transformative.  You can see it in the way he listens, shares food, spends time, weeps, walks, touches, responds, and cares for others.  Jesus enjoys being with people. He enjoys being with God.  His ministry, it seems, doesn’t come from a pre-planned formula but instead rises in response to the real situations and relationships he encounters.”

Wow!  If only our youth ministries could look and feel like that!

There are some very good books written about the need for “presence” and authentic relationships in youth ministry.

Presence Centered Ministry by Mike King

Revisiting Relational Youth Ministry by Andrew Root

Contemplative Youth Ministry by Mark Yaconelli

From my experience, the idea of presence centered ministry is two-fold:

1) We need to be fully present in the life of our students.

To be with them and for them in any and all situations. No strings attached. No agendas to meet.  

We are there when the laugh and when they cry. We are there in the joyful moments and the depressing ones. We are they when they question God and when they are praising him.  We are there when they wonder about their sexuality and when they think suicidal thoughts.  We are simply there for them in and through all of life.  

This means relating to youth in the way Jesus related to people- with authenticity, transparency, approachability, and accessibility. 

The incarnation of Jesus is not about influence but about solidarity in common humanity, and so presence-centered youth ministry should be the same. 

As Andrew Root writes, “Relational Youth ministry is about suffering with adolescents. It’s about sharing in their place with empathy, sympathy, and commonality…We must reach out to their (teens) humanity even if it means the suffering of our own humanity, for this is the way of the cross…We have offered them trips to Disneyland, sill games and cool youth rooms, not companionship in their darkest nights, their scariest of hells.”

We need to be fully present in the lives of our students as all times; through the good and especially through the bad and difficult days.  Do our students know that they are unconditionally cared for and expected no matter what?  

We may be disappointed with decisions they make, but will chose to be present in their life regardless.  We value them as human beings, created in God’s image, not as objects to be “won”.

2)  We place structures around them to allow the presence of Jesus to be encountered and experienced.

Ultimately the most important thing is for our students to be with Jesus and for Jesus to be with them and for them.  As hard as we try and as long as we stay, we cannot always be there in their lives.  We cannot be as present to them as God can.

Because of this reality, our task as youth leaders is to demonstrate the presence of Jesus in our own lives and guide students towards a position and place to receive as we have.  If we are to have agendas, programs, structures, or schedules in place for our students, i hope it is not to keep them busy, occupied, wired, and amped up. 

Our students need to understand and experience that God is not some emotional high or abstract belief; He is a present reality- available and trustworthy, offering real rest, purpose, inspiration, and adventure. 

I hope our approach and ministries focus around Presence.

 Students being with their peers and caring adults and our students celebrating and experiencing the presence of Jesus.  Its not that Jesus can’t be experienced through a media frenzied action packed 2 hours of caffeine and games. More likely though, it is when we help remove the clutter, distractions, and busyness and settle down and rest in God that we receive. Jesus is always present. Its not like we are invoking him to come. 

But traditional agendas sometimes don’t allow our students to see and hear Jesus in their midst. They are too occupied doing other things than simply being there in the presence of God.  Or, we are trying to convince them of something or motivate them towards something else. 

In his conclusion to Part 1, Root writes, “relationships have been used for cultural leverage (getting adolescents to believe or obey) rather than as the concrete location of God’s action in the world…Youth ministry of influence has very little to do with the incarnation…the incarnation is not about influence but accompaniment.”

“Christ calls me into self-giving, suffering love for the adolescent, with no pretense or agenda.”

Here is a quick rundown and chart of the difference in the two approaches.  I am trying hard in my own ministry to shift toward the later approach and philosophy of presence.

Agenda-based (traditional)   vs.      Presence centered (emerging)  *Adapted from Contemplative Youth Ministry

Seeks control                                        seeks contemplation (how can I be present to kids and to God?)

wants products                                    desires presence (who will bear the life of God among teenagers?)

rests in results                                      rests in relationships (Who are the students we’ve befriended?)

seeks conformity                                  brings out creativity

wants activity  and business           brings awareness (what are the real needs of my youth?)

Frank Rogers describes a ministry of presence as “seeing and being seen, hearing and being heard, being moved by others and allowing others to be moved by us, responding with acts of kindness and receiving acts of kindness, and embodying a sense of delight in all our interactions.”  

I believe that in youth ministry, two of the most important things we can do is to see and hear.  We need to see our students with the eyes of Jesus; see them as they are, not as the culture judges them or as we wish them to be.   When we see them through this lens we are moved with more compassion and genuine love and interest for them.  

Secondly, we need to hear them.  This implies a real and active approach that does not jump quickly to correct or find answers for them.  I struggle to listen to my students without my normal “filters” of wrong and right.  I usually listen to see if they can repeat what I ‘ve told them or listen while formulating my solution and advice the entire time.   It is said that the person who can no longer listen to others will soon be no longer listening to God.

It is also a ministry of trust.  We must trust God and allow Him to move freely in the lives of our students. After all, we cannot control their spiritual growth. We can certainly try to manipulate it with agendas, but real, true, authentic growth is a work of the heart and a result of God’s indwelling spirit and presence in the life of the student.  God is in control. We can pray, lead by example, help place our students in the paths of presence, and be fully present to them by hearing and seeing with the ears and eyes of Jesus.

If we can begin affirming these things in our life and ministry, we will see the shift occur from being agenda driven to presence centered. And when all the agenda of youth group disappear after they graduated and leave our presence, our prayer is that  the presence of God will continue to lead, guide, and direct the rest of their lives.

How to connect with me

One of the great aspects of blogging for me has been the conversations and relationships built over these past few months. I really enjoy reading and responding to your comments and learning from each of you.  I love social connectivity, especially when it relates to ministry.  

Having said that, I would love to connect further with you.  You should be able to subscribe to this blog and get updated emails by clicking on the RSS button on the right end of the webs browser.        

It may just look like an orange arrow.

Also, you to follow me on Twitter by clicking down below on the right column on the home page

and you can find my on facebook by clicking on the my facebook profile picture.

If you are ever in the Northeast, shoot me an email and let’s get together.  

I will also be  doing some regional training for Enroute and possibly some writing for Barefoot Publishing this summer/fall. If you are anywhere near the metro NYC area, look for a one-day training event this fall and we would love to have you attend. 

                                                            

I hope to stay connected with you all and wanted to thank you again for your support, friendship, encouragement, and inspiration as we journey together down this road called youth ministry.

6 word essay

(I will return to the Shift series next week, but wanted to take a quick break to throw this topic/question out there to readers)

I was watching Mike and Mike in the morning on ESPN and they were reading entries for some contest.  The objective was to describe your health/public safety occupation in 6 words on less

It was called the 6 word essay.

I heard some professionals brilliantly and briefly define what they did or their role in six concise words

(you think you know where this is heading?)

I was wondering about youth ministry. So often we are asked, “What do you do?”

You and I know just how long and complicated our actual job description is.  It seems impossible to describe in 1,000 words or less what we do day in and day out.

But I also think there is both beauty and power in being able to succinctly define our role, calling, and passion.

When we are clearly focused on the basics of what we do and why we do it, it may just enable us to do it better.

We may be less inclined to do other things that detract and distract us from those 6 words

I honestly haven’t given this much thought, since i just watched the show this morning.

But here goes:

Youth Ministry: Love God. Love Students.

It would be fun to get your take.

I will post all comments

What is your 6 word essay: 

answer one of two questions (or both):

1) What is youth ministry?

2) What do you do?

Let the contest begin 

*disclaimer, no real prizes, accolades, or egos will be served as the result of this contest!

Shift #4- from Centralized to Decentralized

It was my first year as a youth pastor at my church. I was fresh out of college and I looked very young. (I still have a baby face some would say)

I remember being at a conference/retreat with my youth group and a handful of my middle school guys…well let’s just say they got into some trouble for misbehaving.  One of the organizers got our group together and angrily asked “Whose in charge here?”.

I came forward and said that I was in charge, to which he responded, “What adult is in charge here?”.  He didn’t believe I was the youth pastor even after I showed him my credentials!  Still to this day, he probably believes that some high school student pulled a prank on him and he got punk’d!

I remember vividly cringing when I heard those words, “Who’s in charge here”, because clearly it implied that no one was in charge and things chaotically got out of hand. Those words implied a lack of leadership, vision, responsibility, and ownership, and that very question haunted me for some time.

I will refer back to that question later on, so hang in there!

I used to love being “the man”.  Hey, I was one with the youth ministry degree from a Christian college. I was trained to lead students, do bible studies, organize retreats, and counsel.  I thrived on being needed and wanted, so much so that I quickly found my identity no longer in the person I was, but from the youth pastor I was trying to be. It some ways, I created and structure our youth ministry to revolve around  me. 

Organizations that function from a top down approach (much like denominational or church hierarchy) tend to suceed or fail based on the drive and talent of a single person.  If that person fails, so to does the company.

Eron anyone?

Churches and youth ministries that operate in similar ways or mode of operation,  can easily fall prey to the same problems.

I read once that one particular church (whose teaching pastor is very well known) drops on average 3-4,000 people each Sunday that this one particular guy isn’t preaching.  Now, what would happen if he left the church?

Just as our programs should not be attractional (based on attractions), as youth leaders, we must be careful not to build our ministry around our own character, charisma, personality, giftedness, and even ideas.

There is a great book that I will refer to (and pretty much borrowed this entire concept from), so I want to give the authors credit and highly recommend you pick up this book.

The Starfish and the Spider:  The Unstoppable Power of Leaderless Organizations by Ori Braffman and Rod Beckstrom 

 

 

I have included an excellent excerpt/summery of the book’s premise.  Well worth the read (especially if you want to understand the type of shift I am proposing!)

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“One thing that business, institutions, governments and key individuals will have to realize is spiders and starfish may look alike, but starfish have a miraculous quality to them. Cut off the leg of a spider, and you have a seven-legged creature on your hands; cut off its head and you have a dead spider. But cut off the arm of a starfish and it will grow a new one. Not only that, but the severed arm can grow an entirely new body. Starfish can achieve this feat because, unlike spiders, they are decentralized; every major organ is replicated across each arm.

But starfish don’t just exist in the animal kingdom. Starfish organizations are taking society and the business world by storm, and are changing the rules of strategy and competition. Like starfish in the sea, starfish organizations are organized on very different principles than we are used to seeing in traditional organizations. Spider organizations are centralized and have clear organs and structure. You know who is in charge. You see them coming.

Starfish organizations, on the other hand, are based on completely different principles. They tend to organize around a shared ideology or a simple platform for communication- around ideologies like al Qaeda or Alcoholics Anonymous. They arise rapidly around the simplest ideas or platforms. Ideas or platforms that can be easily duplicated. Once they arrive they can be massively disruptive and are here to stay, for good or bad. And the Internet can help them flourish.”

So in today’s world starfish are starting to gain the upper hand.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

I believe there is beauty and power in shared vision, shared teaching, shared leadership, and shared ownership in youth ministry. 

Having one unifying platform of ideas, principles, and plans can unite and strengthen our youth program. 

I sort of learned this the hard way (well at least it was hard for me when it happened!)

When I first came to my church, we had a handful of students and about 4 volunteer leaders.  I decided to aggressively pursue more adults leaders and recruit some capable college students from a nearby Christian college. (After all, I myself was a product of internships as a college student). 

The first year we had about 3 and then added about 3 each year, to the point that I had about 10-12 college students helping run the program.  But then something terrible and wonderful happened.  ”My” students (notice the quotations) started to gravitate towards these leaders.  They were spending more time with them than me, confiding in them, and eventually our ministry started to take on a much different feel. 

Over time I learned to give not only these college students, but the rest of my adult volunteers more freedom to dream, more responsibilities and roles, more ownership of our ministry, and much more credit!

I started to really focus on training and discipling them and then allowing them to run the ministry.  Listen, it was (and still is) very hard for me to back away from things I used to do and still like to do.  But I have watched our leaders and our students grow much more by this approach. No longer am I the one doing everything, making all the decisions, teaching all the lessons, counseling all the students, and taking all the credit.  I have intentionally taken a step back and allowed others to flourish. 

My youth ministry professor at Gordon College, Bob Whittet, stressed this approach:

“Work hard to work yourself out of a job”

What we meant was that as youth pastors, all of our hard work and effort should work toward promoting and equipping others (and not our own reputation or legacy).  We should work diligently to reproduce others (but better versions) and to produce new emerging leaders who could own day take over when we leave.  This approach should not change even if we feel called to say for a decade or longer.   

I can honestly say that if I left my church or my position this month, the ministry would continue to roll with a smooth transition. I am happy for that. I also think that I have some really gifted leaders who could completely run their own youth ministries and probably do a better job than me.

Back to the analogy of the book.  If our youth ministries are Spider-based, then if the head (youth pastor) gets cut off, the ministry may be in danger of dying. I have seen this happen far too often. A good youth pastor leaves and then the program is in shambles until another “good” full time person comes.

In a Starfish youth ministry, all parts are equal, and if an arm is cut off, another grows back to takes its place.  Also interesting, is that apparently the arm that is cut off has the unique ability to grow into its own starfish.  Our youth ministries should be a place of intentionally and lovingly “cutting” off student leaders and adult leaders to allow them the freedom to expand and start their own ministries.  It will end up with more starfish (ministries) and ultimately a bigger and hopefully healthier species (kingdom of God)

So now, if and when I hear someone ask…..

“Whose is charge here?”, it takes on different meaning and signficance. 

That question no longer brings a sense of embarrassment, but rather pride and accomplishment.

When people come to visit our youth ministry, I sincerely hope they wonder that very question.

 I hope I am in the back blending in and hanging out, and that my adult leaders, volunteers, and students have so much ownership of the ministry, that it is hard to figure out who is in charge.  I realize that it is one thing to structure our weekly meetings that way and quite another to implement this way of thinking and approach to our entire ministry. After all, we are the ones spending the most amount of time thinking,dreaming, planning, (and writing) about these things.  But I suppose we can begin to do these same things (think, dream, plan, write, talk, etc..) with our leaders instead of in isolation. 

I believe that when we shift away from centralized (youth pastor as the head) to decentralized (leaderless or shared leadership), our ministries will grow healthier, expand quicker, and survive any departures or transitions. 

Shift #3- From Exclusive to Inclusive

Let me start off by asserting I believe in the exclusive claims of Christ.   

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”      John 14:6

 

“Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.”      Acts 4:12

 

I do not believe that all roads and religions lead to the same God.  

However, I do want to argue and propose a more inclusive approach to our youth ministries. 

In his own ministry, Jesus found an interesting balance between exclusivity and inclusiveness.

His teachings were often hard and blunt.  

In fact, he turned off many of his early followers with seemingly difficult commands and impossible requirements. 

 ”On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”

Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you?  What if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before!  The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him.  He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him.”

 From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.        (taken from John chapter 6)

Jesus certainly did not make it easy to follow him…in a sense.

Those who were stubborn of heart, proud, arrogant, or wise and “religious” in their own eyes found Jesus a rather troublesome character.

He taught about denying oneself, carrying your cross, and then following him (even to the point of death).

He taught that it was easier for a camel to pass through the eye of needle (pretty difficult and rather bloody), then for the rich to inherit God’s kingdom.

In fact, in many ways much of Jesus’ teachings were contrary to what had been traditionally taught and accepted.  In many ways they were more difficult.

Lusting was put on equal footing with adultery. Anger = Murder.  You judge someone, God will judge you.  His followers were expected not to hate their enemies and seek revenge, but rather to pray for them and love them.  Not very easy to buy into and follow I would imagine!

However, at the same time, his radical message of love, grace, and forgiveness was open to all who would believe and receive.

He showed no favoritism nor excluded anyone based on their past or religion.  In fact, it appears the only group of people Jesus had little patience for were the so-called religious elite.  If Jesus purposely excluded anyone, it was these guys (although many of them chose to follow his way).  Jesus was not a stumbling block (I know that Paul says he was to the Jews), but this was not done intentionally since his heart was for them to believe and receive. 

They (the religious folk) made Jesus a stumbling block because of their stubborn hearts, narrow theological views, and obsession with their religion.

Where along this spectrum is today’s church and youth ministry?

Are we making the gospel message difficult to accept to those not in the fold?

Are we intentionally, or even unintentionally, putting up obstacles and stumbling blocks to those not yet knowing Christ?

Are we making following the Way of Jesus seemingly impossible?

Are we making our youth groups an exclusive, hard to get into, club for the religious elite?

 

I personally believe that God’s heart is for all.  He loves all of his creation and children equally and fully.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.    -John 3:16-17

 

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”           -2 Peter 3:9 

 

“This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.”        - 1 Tim 2:3-4

 

I will now lay my cards on the table. I am not a Calvinist. I suppose if you are and reading this, you may not agree with the premise of my argument.  However, I also don’t want to spend time debating and defending particular theological viewpoints or doctrines. (I know you can just as easily pull out specific Bible verses as well)

What I simply want to say is that Jesus was for the people, not against them, but sadly it appears that his church acts in direct contrast.

We do a bang up job of telling others they are not welcomed or wanted in our particular community and sometimes in our faith!

If they don’t line up with our particular views on atonement, the Bible, abortion, drinking, politics, war, Sunday dress code, etc..they are either told they are an outsider or certainly made to feel like one.

How do you think prostitutes felt in the presence of Jesus?

How to the sexually impure or sex addicts feel in today’s churches?

No wonder why the majority of people are not flocking into our doors every week!  We have an incredibly attractive message to offer; a message of hope, new life, freedom, forgiveness, yet our exclusive and country club like attitudes often get in the way of people both hearing and receiving the message.

How big is your welcome mat at youth group?

I want my church and youth group to be a place for all students.  I want everyone to feel safe, comfortable, accepted, and wanted regardless of their political, religious, or sexual views.

 Now, don’t hear me wrong. (or i suppose don’t read me wrong)   I am not advocating for a “whatever one believes is fine” approach, nor do I want to condone beliefs and practices contrary to God ’s will for our lives.  But in my experience, transformation is more often  a process of discovery and spiritual maturity. We need to get these students in our doors first and keep them as a part of our family.                                                                            

Back to the prostitute question.

Certainly there is an aspect of being unworthy while in the presence of God.  And clearly, being in the presence of Jesus changed the prostitutes and “sinners” from the inside out. I doubt they remained entrenched in that lifestyle after they met Jesus.  But even if they did, I do not believe Jesus would have loved them less.

And besides, the point here is that while they were still “sinners”, they were obviously made to feel welcomed and wanted in the presence of Jesus.  He ate with them, taught them, and befriended them. (one of the many reasons why the Pharisees despised him and wanted to kill him)

How are we doing with that?  How is our approach compared with Jesus?

I love communion, because at the foot of the cross there is equality. We all remember and realize that in the end we are sinners, saved by grace and daily in need of grace.  No one is better than the next at the Lord’s table.  It should remind and challenge us to view our youth ministries the same way.

All are welcome. All are wanted.  

We should not put stumbling blocks in the way of students approaching Jesus just as they are.  He will then work in and through them over time to conform them more into his image and likeness.

Now, if a student completely disagrees with my view (and the Bible) that Jesus is the only way the heaven, etc.. then that is where he or she is at.  There is not much I can do except to pray and love. 

Our youth ministry must still exist for them.  If they continue to feel loved and want and show up and displayed respect for our beliefs, it probably means that God is doing something (maybe very slowly) in their life.  I believe God to be constantly at work in his children.

We are not to compromise the gospel, but at the same time, we are not to intentionally make others feel like outsiders.  

If our youth ministry can begin to shift towards the inclusiveness of the gospel and Christianity, I believe more and more students will experience the love of Jesus and transformation of communities will take place.

Let’s say “Welcome Home” to “sinners” and “strangers” alike, and warmly welcome them into the family and kingdom of God.

Shift#2- from the sacred to the secular/spiritual in youth ministry

Do you remember when hats were not allowed in the Sanctuary?

For some, you only have to remember back a few days to that angry call you received from one of the elders or trustees.

At one point in my ministry, I actually had an elder comment one of the videos we made for youth Sunday exclaiming, “maybe that video is appropriate for what you guys do downstairs or on a youth retreat, but not up here in the Lord’s sanctuary.”

So, is our youth room not the Lord’s sanctuary as well?

Do we somehow walk away from the transcendent ant holy power of God’s spirit when we leave the doors of the sanctuary and descend down the dark stairs towards the fellowship hall and youth rooms?

I mean, is one room or place more special or holy then another?

Is one moment more special than the next?

Sometimes on retreats the “sacred” would happen and God’s spirit would descend and fall upon us in powerful ways.

Now, these moments are crucial to the faith development of students, but if we emphasis the sacredness of certain things, times, places, and events, what are we saying about the rest?

Is the sanctuary more holy or sacred than the youth room?

Is the church building more sacred then the classroom?

Is Sunday morning between 9am and noon mores special than the rest of the day….or Monday?

You see where I am going with this?

While it is vital to provide opportunities and spaces for students to connect with God on a deep level, we have to teach them that all of life is spiritual.  The secular is spiritual because God’s presence is there.  Or at least, the secular can be spiritual if we recognize and acknowledge God in those moments and places.  

Is there a place where God is not present?  Now, some may say that since God is holy he cannot be anywhere where sin is present.  Therefore, there are clearly evil places where the Lord’s spirit does not make an appearance. For some, God is apparently absent in rated R movies, popular radio music, the Internet, and New York Yankee baseball (which I happen to agree with).

Paul seems to indicate that nothing (including the demonic) can separate us from the love of God.  (Romans 8: 38-39)

Additionally, the psalmist writes in Psalm 139

 ⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit? 
       Where can I flee from your presence?

 ⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 
       if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

 ⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 ¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, 
       your right hand will hold me fast.

 ¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me 
       and the light become night around me,”

 ¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you; 
       the night will shine like the day, 
       for darkness is as light to you.

Even when we are trying to hide and flee from God, his presence still surrounds us.  Even when we intentionally let darkness engulf us, the Spirit of God permeates and prevails. 

Now, that does not mean that we should necessarily spend the majority of our time in those places.  I do believe in the power of corporate worship and fellowship.

Jesus told his followers, “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:20)

But I just don’t believe that also means, “If you are by yourself and not in church, I am not there.”

Every place we are standing is holy ground, because the Holy Spirit is present.

Especially for us who believe that the curtain of the temple was torn upon Christ’s crucifixion, thus allowing access to Gods’ Spirit unconditionally (no more special or sacred times or places)

We are now the temple of God’s Spirit and that should have significant implications in our lives and ministries. (1 Corinthians 3:16)

Through what was accomplished on the cross at Calvary, no longer is the Spirit of God confined to a certain section in the temple.

That curtain was torn ladies and gentlemen, and that same powerful, mysterious, and awe-inspiring Spirit now dwells within his people.

In some ways, we take the presence of God wherever we go..we no longer have to enter into his presence.  He is already there!

What we need to do, is prepare ourselves for the indwelling of his presence wherever we go and whatever we do.

Now, rather then take away from the holiness of God, this way of thinking should serve to increase our awareness of His presence and the sacredness of everything.

Remember that movie Austin Powers: Gold member?   Everything he touched became solid gold, including people’s….I suppose I should not go there.

Well, if we believe that we are the temple of God’s Spirit and the fullness of Christ dwells within, they we are truly the vessels (carriers) of God’s spirit to the world.

If I may continue this analogy….

As agents and ambassadors of Christ, what we touch should change as well.  We bring with us healing, restoration, and power unlike any other.  Of course, it is not a matter of only physically touching someone, but our words, actions, attitude, prayers, and love make a difference…because God is in us and with us. 

This perspective changes everything. 

Meals become more important, for as we break bread together we acknowledge and recognize the presence of our Lord

In everyday conversations we discover the holiness of God.

Even getting the mail and taking out trash become acts of service and obedience when done in the name of Jesus and for his glory.

“Corrupt” culture needs to be met, embraced, and transformed.  Don’t be afraid of “secular” society.  The difference is not in the actual object or activity, but rather in our perspective and mindset.  

(compliments of Biblegateway!)

1 Corinthians 10:31

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Colossians 3:17
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Yes, there are still those transcendent moments when Christians are gathered together and the Holy Spirit moves in a powerful way (pretty much the entire books of Acts). 

But when Jesus left the mountain top, he did not cease being Jesus.  The same Spirit still spoke to him, strengthened and empowered him

He takes the ordinary and makes it extra-ordinary and he can help us and our students do the same. 

Let’s help our students see that what they do and say in school is just as important as while in church…maybe more so.

God is just as present in the hallways as in our youth rooms, if we allow him to be.

We simply can no longer preach and practice (maybe subconsciously)  the dis-connectivity and dissociation of God from the world he has made and loves.  

In our approach, let’s shift from creating “sacred” moments to experiencing God in the secular and therefore discovering His presence and the spiritual in more of our life and ministry.

Shift #1: Shifting from missions to missional approach in youth ministry

A few years ago, I brought my students on an international mission trip with a very well known mission organization.  The idea was to show the students all facets of missionary life and to allow God to use us in ways to reach people for Christ.  There was a heavy emphasis on prayer and evangelism for the week, as they were two pillars of these particular organization.

I will never forget one specific afternoon.  We were doing a “prayer walk” past abandoned buildings that needed fixing up (ironically praying that God would bring help and send others to fix them up!). Then “as the Spirit lead”, we would walk to certain homes and start conversations. Some houses we would walk past, while others we would stop at.  The objective was to somehow work Jesus and the gospel presentation into the conversation, and ideally the goal of each encounter would be that the individual make a personal profession of faith in Jesus.  We even had cards to record such occurrences.

So, there we were in a very poor country walking down dirt roads and talking with people who had no access to running water, little food, and shanty-type houses (if you could call them that).

We approached one lady whose roof was falling apart, clearly needed food and water, and I am sure that some money would have helped greatly (we were told not to give money though).

She shared with us her problems (a long and depressing story that I will spare you) and how she had no one to help.

Some students interrupted and talked about Jesus and that he could and would help her if she only accept him into her heart as Lord and Savior. They proceeded to talk about a heavenly mansion that would welcome her when she left earth and all her pain and suffering would be no more.  They did a good job doing what we were told to do.

The woman politely nodded her head at every question we asked about faith and salvation.  We prayed for her and wrote down her information.  Then we left.

One of my senior guys was trailing in the distance on our walk back.

I asked him what was wrong, believing he was overcome with emotions of joy.

He said this.

What did we actually do for that lady?   I feel like we took the cheap way out of getting our hands dirty.

I responded by saying something along the lines that we offered her hope and salvation, which ultimately is more important than her current physical needs.

He then said, “And you really believe that?”

I froze. Speechless as I was, it occurred to me that I deep inside, I felt that there was something wrong.

Here we had a great opportunity to do something to bless this lady, make a difference here and now, and to show her God’s love, compassion, care, and provision.   I am just not that convinced that our ministry and message must be so focused on the afterlife and making sure people are prepared for when they die.  Quite honestly though, I am torn because I also believe that merely addressing physical needs while ignoring spiritual realities is just as harmful in the end.  And besides those theological issues, what kind of relationship were we building with that lady?  It seemed to my student at the time, that missions needed and could be so much more!

I have  been challenged and convicted in how we as youth pastors define  and do “missions”.  For years it has been a 1-2 week trip to some different context and culture (usually poor) where we go, feel really bad for the people, try to make some sort of difference, come back and be moved into action for about one week. Shortly after our return we inevitably forget the names and faces of those people and within a few months, realizing we will never return, the memories fade and our focus begins to shift towards the next mission trip  (because we need to further stretch and expand our students horizons)

Listen, I have been to 3 cities in Mexico, Haiti, Honduras, Peru, Dominican Republic, Detroit, Philadelphia, Appalachia, Cincinnati, and a few others places, never to return to a second time with the same students. 

It seems to me that what we have traditionally called short-term mission trips are, in actuality, more realistically short-term discipleship trips.  We always end up saying the same things:

 ”The people there touched me so much.”

 ”This trip changed my life.”"

“My perspective on faith and life is different because of my experience.”      

“My love for God and others has grown.”

“I grow so much closer with the other students in my youth group.”

“My worldview is much broader now.”

etc.. etc….etc….

Notice the emphasis on the word “my”!

Now this is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a great thing. I have seen the faith of my students grow more in one week on these types of trips than any retreat or conference.

But in the end, these trips usually impact us more than the people we are attempting to serve.

Who are missions trips supposed to be serving?

It is hard to develop meaningful relationships in a span of a week.  It is hard to meet needs when you bounce back and forth from activity to activity, spending no more than 1 day on one particular need.

It is a very hard to have a real passion for an area, people group, or culture when within one year you are preparing for some different place.

A good friend of mine is a missionary in Haiti.  He gave up a great career as a youth pastor for Youth for Christ to serve orphans in Haiti over ten years ago. He is deeply invested in this country. His entire life is in Haiti now.  It has become a part of his being.

Because he is there long term, he has long-term plans to bring healing, restoration, hope, and salvation to the people.

His ministry consists literally of feeding the hungry, finding homes for the orphans, building schools and educating the children, taking take of the widows, training young disciples, and teaching and preaching the word of God.

I will try to simplify what he does as a missionary:

Lives somewhere (Haiti). Feels called to stay and has a vision for that area. Loves God and serves the people in that community.  Is dedicated to staying there long enough to make a real difference and impact. 

Isn’t that what we are supposed to be doing as Christians?

Now for Tom, his mission field is Haiti.  And some of our students may in fact be lead to another place or country to serve.

 I honestly hope more and more students go out into the world as both as traditional missionaries and tent makers and bring the radical love of Jesus to places in need of hope. 

But for the majority of us, God is calling us exactly where we are to be missionaries ( I know it may sound cheesy, but think about it.)

What if we shifted our focus away from doing mission trips to being missionaries right where we?

I realize we have each preached lessons on that probably coming back from summer trips, but what if that idea and philosophy changed the structure of our youth ministry?

What about instead of going on your annual youth conference, you did a local service project were you lived?

Last year we spent the week on the Ohio/Kentucky border doing all sorts of hands on service projects.  Pretty cool stuff actually. But I doubt we will ever go back nor have a relationship with those organizations and individuals that we served that one week.

It got me thinking, why can’t we do the same thing right here in Westchester County, NY?

We returned from that summer trip and my students started looking for ways to serve and get involved in our community (being missional)

We began volunteering at 2 local food pantries, the Boys and Girls Club, a special needs Children’s hospital, and serving our own church more.

Just this past weekend, our entire church closed down for what we called C.S.I weekend (Consider Serving Instead).  No Saturday or Sunday services.  We all went out into our community to serve in anyway possible.

(I will post the link to the video slide show for it)

Food pantries, blood drives, parking meter watch, park clean ups, home repairs, giving lunch to immigrant workers, meals for home bound senior citizens, prison visitations, helping with a walk-a-thon for our local SPCA, free community car wash, etc..

You should have seen the response of our people and especially the community!    Organizations and individuals were astonished and overwhelmed that we would close our doors on a weekend and desire to help them out without asking for anything in return.

Now I know this is not a new idea.  In some ways, our church has been well behind in this  and possibly your church has been doing something similar for years. 

But my point is that this shift in approach is much needed and I think aligns to the ways of Jesus wonderfully. 

We hope to continue to partner with these organizations for months and years and over time develop real genuine relationships within our community.

In order to shift from missions to a more missional approach in youth ministry, I think the following are needed:

1) A more holistic approach.  We need to understand that meeting needs includes both the physical and spiritual.  Remember that Jesus healed people and feed the masses often before he preached to them and offered them the other good news.  Yes, we need to be the voices of God, but we equally need to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and serve those around us in practical and tangible ways.  You may be God’s answers to their prayers.

2)  Localized impact-  find ways to bless and serve your own community.  We live in a very affluent area, yet there are plenty of needs surrounding us, besides the fact that we are only 30 miles away from NYC.  Love and serve where God as already placed you and your youth group. We must remember that missions is not something we do somewhere else once a year…it is a way of life. 

3) Committed partnerships-  instead of going to 5 different places in 5 years, find one area or mission and invest in it. Many churches are doing this very well and working to build orphanages, schools, wells, churches, etc.. while building life-long relationships and partnerships with the people there.  We have great resources and should use them to heal the world (especially the parts of it that are desperate).  Find ways to really invest and give of yourselves for the benefit and blessing of others.  You will still be touched and though you may not get to experience multiple cultures, you heart will grow and expand for one and you will begin to see it and its people through the eyes of Jesus more and more.

“I was hungry and you gave me food,

I was thirsty and you gave me drink,

I was a stranger and you welcomed me.

I was naked and you clothed me.

I was sick and you visited me,

I was in prison and you came to me.” 
Matthew 25: 35-36

From my personal (and limited) experiences, I will end with a few ministries and organizations that I believe are doing a great job impacting their communities.  They are embodying this missional approach to service and ministry and I would recommend partnering with them (especially if you live in the area).  

Besides these particular ones, most communities have organizations with goals to benefit the community and make a long-term impact.  These include your neighborhood soup kitchens, food pantries, after school programs, recovery centers, Boys and Girls Club, among others.  Locate these in your communities and get involved.  I am sure that each one would appreciate the help and support. And if your particular area does not have organizations like this, start one up!  I am sure that within a short drive, you can find needs in your community. Perhaps God wants to use your church and/or youth ministry to reach beyond the four walls of your building and bring blessing outward.  Watch and see what God will do both in and through your group when you start to shift from missions to a missional approach. 

  Below are some organizations you can visit and work with.  Others such as Compassion International, World Vision, World Relief, Love 146, and International Justice Mission are also good for sponsorships, but the ones I listed below are good for youth trips.  Please comment and add some organizations that you have worked with and recommend.

I will post all comments.  Let’s build a list together and learn from the examples of others in order to do the same right where we live and minister.  Tell us about how your group or church partners with missionaries or organizations around the world or in your local community. 

*Disclaimer:  Clearly there is a Northeast focus (as there should be) because of where I live. But I encourage you to briefly look at each site and read the mission or purpose statement if they have one.  ____________________________________________________________________________________________

Group Work Camps                               www.groupworkcamps.com

The Pittsburgh Project                         www.pittsburghproject.org

Jesus in Haiti Ministries                    www.jesusinhaiti.org

The Boston Project Ministries           www.tbpm.org

The Bowery Mission (NYC)               www.bowery.org

The Boys and Girls Club                     www.bgca.org/

Adventures in Missions                     www.adventures.org/a/centers/philly/

Cast your Cares (Philly)                     http://castyourcares.org/

*CAMA services/relief projects         www.camaservices.org/

*C&MA Partnerships                            www.cmalliance.org/im/omm/partnerships/projects.jsp

 

*CAMA stands for Compassion and Mercy Associates

*C&MA is the Christian and Missionary Alliance denomination