Some words from Paul to youth pastors

Okay, I realize that youth ministry did not exist back in the early days of the church.  However, Timothy and a few other church leaders were probably in their late 20’s or early 30’s. Although, they likely would have been serving adults in their community.  Back then, the adolescent age group did not exist as it does today and there were no distinct ministries for age groups (which might have been a really good thing, helping keep the Body of Christ united and diverse and not separated and segregated as it is today).

Nonetheless, contrary to what you might be thinking, I am not going to quote and write about Paul’s instructions to Timothy (too familiar).

 I have something else in mind. 

I am taking out of context words written by Paul to a few churches.  (some good contextual exegesis this will not be!)

But as I read these words sipping my decaf coffee (what’s the point of decaf anyways…it’s kind of like ODoul’s beer!), I felt as if Paul’s words were speaking directly into my heart and addressing my ministry with students.  Hope you are ready for a little Bible Study time!

1 Thessalonians 2: 4-13

⁴On the contrary, we speak as men (youth pastors) approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts. ⁵You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness. ⁶We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else.

   As apostles (youth pastors) of Christ we could have been a burden to you, ⁷but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. ⁸We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. ⁹Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you.

 ¹⁰You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. ¹¹For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, ¹²encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.

 ¹³And we also thank God continually because, when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is at work in you who believe.

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vs. 8

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well because so had become so dear to us.”

As youth pastors, we can relegate our ministry and calling to only preaching the gospel a few times a week.  We can stand up on some platform or sit on a stool and preach powerfully and effectively the word of God (and we should!). However, if our ministry and calling is only that, then there will also be a level of disconnect with our teens.  What they need and want is for us to “share our lives” with them. It will be in those moments of weakness, laughter, struggles, fear, faith, and simply journeying through life together, that students will be inspired the most.  Our students should become like family to us, not just a group of students we check off on our attendance sheets each week.  

Listen, I love preaching and teaching, but I love my students more. I would rather sit over coffee or have a group over for a cookout, then sit in some room and teach.  I don’t love youth ministry, I love my youth.  I cry when they hurt and am flooded with emotions when they are happy and well.  Now, as we share life together, the gospel becomes alive and the message all the more powerful and transformative.  

vs. 9

Sometimes ministry is a burden and, in order to stay in ministry, we have to labor and toil rigorously.  Ministry is not easy or comfortable and our students might just see the effort and hard work that it takes.  But we do so in love.  I know of many youth pastors who willingly are working 2-3 side jobs, just so they can stay at their church and with their students. Amazing!

vs. 10

We are called to live a holy and righteous life (albeit not perfect). Our students need examples of Christ likeness, deliverance from sin,and victory in following Jesus.  Many might not have any examples out there. As youth pastors, we have the calling and responsibility to practice what we preach (as best we can) and lead by example through our teachings and especially our lives.

vs. 11-12

I really love what Paul says in verses 11-12.  We are to deal with our students as a father (or older brother) deals with their own children.  Look at the words Paul uses:  encouraging, comforting, and urging (pleading).

That’s exactly what we do as youth pastors!

We encourage students who are struggling to find God, faith, hope, and love.  We encourage them through our prayers and support. We comfort those who are hurting, facing addiction, battling their demons of temptations, insecurity, fear, and self esteem. We comfort as parents.  

We urge and plead with them to love and obey God and seek His will for their lives.  We share from our experiences and stories and hope and pray that they can learn from us and not make the same mistakes we did at their age.  

We love and care about them so much, that (like Paul) we would do anything to know they there standing firm in the faith.

1 Corinthians 9

The Rights of an Apostle

1Am I not free? Am I not an apostle? Have I not seen Jesus our Lord? Are you not the result of my work in the Lord? 2Even though I may not be an apostle to others, surely I am to you! For you are the seal of my apostleship in the Lord. 3This is my defense to those who sit in judgment on me. 4Don’t we have the right to food and drink? 5Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas? 6Or is it only I and Barnabas who must work for a living?

 

 ⁷Who serves as a soldier at his own expense? Who plants a vineyard and does not eat of its grapes? Who tends a flock and does not drink of the milk? ⁸Do I say this merely from a human point of view? Doesn’t the Law say the same thing? ⁹For it is written in the Law of Moses: “Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain.” Is it about oxen that God is concerned? ¹⁰Surely he says this for us, doesn’t he? Yes, this was written for us, because when the plowman plows and the thresher threshes, they ought to do so in the hope of sharing in the harvest. ¹¹If we have sown spiritual seed among you, is it too much if we reap a material harvest from you? ¹²If others have this right of support from you, shouldn’t we have it all the more?

   But we did not use this right. On the contrary, we put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ. ¹³Don’t you know that those who work in the temple get their food from the temple, and those who serve at the altar share in what is offered on the altar? ¹⁴In the same way, the Lord has commanded that those who preach the gospel should receive their living from the gospel.

 ¹⁵But I have not used any of these rights. And I am not writing this in the hope that you will do such things for me. I would rather die than have anyone deprive me of this boast. ¹⁶Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! ¹⁷If I preach voluntarily, I have a reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply discharging the trust committed to me.¹⁸What then is my reward? Just this: that in preaching the gospel I may offer it free of charge, and so not make use of my rights in preaching it.

 ¹⁹Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. ²⁰To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. ²¹To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. ²²To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. ²³I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

 ²⁴Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

 ²⁵Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. ²⁶Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. ²⁷No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

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I relate this entire chapter to being in ministry.  Paul is defending both his position and rights as an apostle.

For many of us, it feels like we are often defending our job title and description.  

“What exactly do you do all day long? ”

“Should a youth pastor be paid a full time “pastoral” salary?”  

Those questions sound familiar perhaps?

Paul lays out a great argument for his rights, claiming “those who preach the gospel should receive their living from the gospel.”

Take that Elder board!

However…Paul also said that he chose not to exercise those rights, feeling that those who made a living from ministry could fall into the trap of mixed motivations.  If he preaches voluntarily, than he has a greater reward (spiritually speaking).  

I tend to agree at some level. There have been times when I really didn’t want to do some things, but I had to because it was my job. I was getting paid to lead and lead I must.

 I have always had a tremendous respect for my volunteers and especially volunteer or part time youth pastors.  They work full time jobs and then in their free time, choose to go on youth retreats, lead small group meetings, teach Sunday school, and a whole host of activities.  So, for those of you reading this who are volunteers. Thank you.  You truly have a great reward.

For those of us privileged to get paid to do this, let’s not abuse our situation or take it for granted. How much more should we be doing because of the trust given to us!  Let’s look for opportunities to go above and and beyond and do things out of our job descriptions (of course for many of you about 80% of what you actually do in above and beyond what you signed up for!!!)

Find some area to volunteer in, because I really believe you will find much fulfillment and joy in doing so.

vs. 19-23

“I have became all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.”

In youth ministry we often switch hats and try to relate with different types of students. One day we are  a jock and the next into art and computers.  One week we sit and teach the Bible and pray with a group of solid teens and the next night our language might be a bit course and crude (to some) as we hang with a bunch of non churched kids.

For some students, externals are very important (what you say, wear, etc..), while to others not as much.

Paul was the master of cross cultural, contextual, and relevant ministry.  He thought, talked, and acted like a Jew when around them, and did the same around the Greeks when around them.  Now, if the Jews had saw Paul in that context, all hell would have broke loose! 

But Paul didn’t care.

 His heart’s desire and prayer was that through his love and actions, he might win the trust and favor of the people so that he might win some to Christ.  I think that gives us youth pastors permission to do the same.  Now, even though to some, Paul probably “sinned” while in some situations, he later states that his conscious was clear before God, so I highly doubt that participating in a kegger would be a good idea!

vs. 27

“I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”

As youth pastors, we can easily fall prey to hypocrisy.  Teaching one thing and either not doing it, or doing the opposite.  We must guard ourselves daily against this trap of the enemy. After all, he wants us to fall flat on our faces and to have all that we have taught become powerless.  Too many youth pastors teach on giving and then don’t tithe.  Too many will stand up and preaching against the dangers of lust and then go home and look at porn.

Listen, I know we are all human and prone to weakness.  We cannot be perfect, but we must be disciplined and self controlled against hypocrisy. We don’t want to be disqualified. 

Simply put, this is an admonition and challenge to daily practice what we preach.  And we may need to preach a whole lot more about confession and forgiveness.  We must run the race well for our students (and ourselves) and we must finish strong.

I hope you find these words of Paul inspiring and challenging as I did.

I leave you with these words of Paul to the church in Thessalonica.

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with you all.“

 

Spring Series…Shifting approaches in Youth Ministry

Over the next few months, I am attempting to offer some “shifts” in the way youth ministry can be done. Some will be practical approaches and tangible changes, while others border the philosophical and theological realm of student ministry.

The main idea is that we need to shift away from certain modes of thought and operation (such as being program driven, attraction oriented, exclusive, isolated, big, hierarchical, etc…) and move towards new ways. Read A New Kind of Youth Ministry by Chris Folsmbee for a good philosophical transitionally approach.

I will try to discuss practical applications and implications of such transitions in an actual youth ministry setting.

Many of these appear to be in direct contrast to former ideas, and some are clearly and intentionally just that. I believe there to be potential danger in living fully on one side or the other. Therefore, what I propose is a shift away from one and towards the other, hopefully arriving at a middle ground that leaves the doors of communication open on both ends.

Some of the “shifts” I will be proposing will be:

From Missions to Missional

From Narrow to Generous theology

From Big to Small

From Sacred to Secular

From Centralized to De-Centralized

From Separatists to Collaborators/Partners

From Exclusive to Inclusive

From Big to Small

From Agenda-Driven to Presence Focused

From Conversions to Conversations

From Spiritual Knowledge to Spiritual Formation

From Church to Neutral “Third” Places

From Facts to Experience/Encounter

From Apologetics to Storytelling

From Witnessing to Loving

From Orthodoxy to Orthopraxy

From Evangelical to Emergent

I am going to number these shifts, but there is no particular order. I am not saying that Shift #1 is more or less important than Shift #10.  

Also, I am hoping for comments and ideas on how you have worked out some of these shifts in your own ministry. I have some examples but would prefer to post your thoughts on the practical application and implication of these shifts. 

 

The Seven BIGGEST (and yet smallest) words in the Bible

This past Easter, as I was reading the Gospels again and pouring over the Passion narratives, I happened to notice a few words that struck me as simple, yet mysterious and profound.  I have heard sermons on the last words of Christ, but this is not that.  

What I have in mind is a very brief look at some of the shortest sayings about and from Jesus that we have on record that I think are foundational to our faith.  

The seven most profound words in the Bible, according to Dan!

“Jesus wept” (2)    John 11:35

Thanks to John, growing up I could always get at least one sticker in Sunday school for Bible memorizing. Of course John had nothing to do with the sentence structure, but I still give him credit!

But those 2 words (Jesus wept) reveals his humanity.  We have a Savior who has fully entered into our humanity and can understand and emphasize with our emotions and the pain of this world. His heart ached, and even though he already knew the outcome of his friend Lazarus, he still grieved.

 Not only can we find great comfort and hope in knowing that Jesus can, and still does,relate to us, but it also reveals his identity as the Son of Man. He was born like us, lived like us, got hungry and tired like us, cried like us, and died like us…he was one of us.  And we needed one of our own to take our punishment for us and stand in the gap.  

As a man, Jesus shows us what real humanity looks like.  Authentic, sincere, and intimate relationship with God. Out of his humanity, Jesus performed miracles and taught with power and authority, and so can we. As a human, Jesus humbled himself before God and allowed the very presence of His heavenly father to dwell in him and flow out of him, and so should we.  Because Jesus wept, we have an example of the kind of life God has created us for for here or earth, humanity at its best, as it was intended to be. 

But we needed Jesus to be more than just a good moral teacher and example.

“I AM” (2)    *John 8:58; John 9:5; 10:7-36

While there are many “I am” sayings of Jesus, the John 8:58 reference indicts the central meaning. At these words of Jesus, the Pharisees tore their clothes in anger and protest. Why?  Because clearly Jesus was affirming his divinity.  The very words of identity spoken by God to Abraham, Moses, and Jacob are the very words Jesus uses to describe and define himself. Jesus and God are one.

 Christ’s divinity is what makes him Lord and Savior over all creation.  We can and should worship Jesus the Messiah, because he is not just God’s servant, he was and is God himself.  Truly a mystery we cannot fully grasp, but true nonetheless.

Because Jesus is the great “I am”, we have power, authority, victory, freedom, forgiveness, and salvation in his name.

Two very powerful words.

“He has risen” (3)    Matthew 28:6; Luke 26:6

The words first spoken by the angels that Easter dawn changed history.  Those 3 words proved Jesus to be who he said he was and brought God’s ultimate plan into fulfillment.  Those 3 words defeated evil and conquered death.  Those 3 words give us hope for our eternal security and future life with God.  Taking words from that familiar hymn by the Gaithers’:

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future, 

And life is worth the living,

Just because He lives.

So there you have it…

In my opinion, seven of the shortest and yet most powerful words in the Bible.

Happy Easter everyone!

iLead: downloads on leadership in youth ministry

I recently finished reading a book given to me a few months ago by a friend (who actually wrote one of the chapters).

It is a collaborative effort by a group of 12 youth leaders from all across the country. Each come from a diferent backgound, context, age, and type of ministry. But what unites them all is their passion for student ministry and belief that we all have a great deal to learn about leadership.

What I appreciate the most about this book is that each author uniquely contributes his thoughts, expierences, reflections, struggles, questions, and more.  Each author isn’t well….an author.

And this is a very good thing!  They are not paid to write books that will read and sell well.  They are still very much in the trenches of ministry and not sitting behind a desk and monitor thinking back to a time when they were ministering to students. Unlike most youth ministry “experts” and authors, these guys are real, approachable, honest, and are not trying to sell us on any particular style, philosophy, ideal, or model.

I can relate to these men, learn from them, and find inspiration from their stories and journeys.

What I will attempt to is offer a very brief overview of each section with what I consider to be the best “nuggets” and helpful tools and thoughts. Naturally, I don’t want to give too much of the book away, because I really think it is worth the buy and read (although I did get my copy free)  The book is comprised of several “downloads” about leadership (hence the title of the book)

Download 1:  iBreakaway:  learning from the divergent leadership of Christ.

In order to be a divergent and dynamic leader like Christ, we must be willing to take risks and shatter expectations.  The divergent leader is not for the people, meaning that we cannot allow people’s expectations to drive the vision and ministry. Rather, we must take time to discern God’s will, make the rights plans, and then dive into action. This type of leadership will always lead to change, and while the change may be difficult at times, it is always necessary.  ”There’s nothing wrong with change, if its in the right direction.”

Quote:  ”Leaders are visionaries with a poorly developed sense of fear and no concept of the odds against them.” – Robert Jarvik

 

Download 2-     iFast-Forward:  Leading like Paul when you feel more like Timothy.

This was an excellent chapter for young leaders and youth pastors.  The author shares some honest and humbling moments in his career that helped mature and develop him. We should have confidence in our calling, seek counsel and advice daily, listen and learn from those with more experience, and approach everything in humility. I was especially inspired with the challenge to set the bar high. We are to live out 1 Timothy 4:12 and set an example that out students, parents, and volunteers will look to regardless of our age and experience (or lack there of).

Quote: “If you actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.” – John Quincy Adams

Download 3-    iBalance: balancing grace and truth in leadership

A good summation of this would be that grace and truth leadership consists of boldly leading with a constant awareness of a transcedent call, and offering the pursuit of that call to all who will follow- while never compromising the call itself.  The author proposes 3 basic steps in implementing this in ministry:

1. Establishing goals and core values

2. Guiding the ministry towards fleshing out these values

3. Ongoing communication of the consequences of choices without either condemnation or compromise.

Clearly, there will be moments in our ministry when we are faced with the harsh reality of disciplining students.  We need to prayerfully consider our attitudes and actions and then implement consequences that will reflect both grace (love, kindness, forgiveness, compassion) and truth (responsibility, discipline, setting an example).  Hopefully by doing so, reconciliation, restoration, growth, and maturity will develop in the student and entire youth program.

Download 4-   iMultiply:  the farm system approach to leadership

I liked this chapter especially because it relates ministry to baseball. As youth pastors, we should look at our ministry as places for equipping students and not just entertaining them. (Amen to that!)  Students are no longer satisfied with pizza filled lock ins playing chubby bunny (although I think that game is now outlawed in like 20 states).  Students are looking for risk, adventure, and to be part of something bigger than themselves.   Now, back to the farm system analogy…

Single A= discipleship- teaching and training our students about the Bible and how to study it for themselves

Double A= serving- finding opportunities to engage students in serving others more than just a once a year mission trip.  Try to find some regular and local ministries to be actively involved in.

Triple A= leading ministry- eventually students will be ready to lead ministries themselves.  Give them a sense of ownership and allow God to use their unique contributions to mold your ministry. 

As youth pastors, we can then invest in these students, as they then invest in their peers and younger students. ” More time spent with less people equals greater Kingdom impact.”  I believe that statement to be true. 

Quote/Question:  ”How well did we do in passing the baton to the next generation?”

Download 5-  iPartner: even the Lone Ranger needed Tonto

The basic premise of this download is that we cannot and should not approach ministry alone.  Failure to bring others alongside us will hurt the ministry and students. We must acknowledge and recongize that we simply are not the best at everything, nor do we have enough time to do everything needed.  We should partner with volunteers in our church and also partner with other youth leaders in the area. We will have to face and get over things such as pride, envy, differences, and jealousy, but ultimately it will lead to our own growth and maturation as a leader and follow of Christ.  I personally have experienced the value of this and want to thank the many ministry colleagues in my area who I now have authentic friendships with.  It is well worth the time and effort.

Download 6- iPaint: four steps to practical creativity in leadership

This chapter really challenged me to think outside the box and be more creative in my ministry.  We were created to be creative and that reality should have a profound impact on what we do.  Creativity comes through Christ, through crisis, through cultivation, and through collaboration.  

Through Christ- we should spend time alone with Jesus, spend time with new people, and spend time in unusual and different places. This will help spark creativity.

Through crisis- every time we mess up in ministry (which happens often it seems) we should reflect on what happened and what we did wrong and the redesign our stategies.

Through cultivation- it takes perspiration (hard work), preparation (planning) and persistence (time) to creatively change things around. 

Through collaboration- we should make it a priority to partner with students, parents, youth leaders, and community organizations in order to get new and fresh ideas that will be helpful and be a blessing to those involved and impacted.

Quote: ” The things we fear most in organizations- fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances- are the primary sources of creativity.” – Margaret J. Wheatly

Download 7-   iElevate: humbling yourself to raise others to Greatness

Quote-” When we become aware of our humility, we’ve lost it.”

A very thought provoking question is asked in this section, “would we be okay with someone being a better leader than us?”

Many of us struggle with the need to always be the one doing everything. We also think that we are the most trained, equipped, and passionate and so should be in control and in charge. 

But are we allowing others to step up and take leadership and ownership,even if it means they might succeed more than us?  We should be ready, willing, and wanting to give away our position, authority, perfectionism, and praise in order that others may thrive and grow as leaders. We are called to equip God’s people and sometimes that will mean putting our personal (and often selfish) desires and goals on the shelf in favor of others. 

I will give you a brief example from my own experience. Over the past 7 years at my church, I have had the privilege of mentoring and working with numerous interns from the youth ministry department at Nyack College.  To be honest, everyone of them was more talented, skilled, or passionate in certain areas than me.  While it was great for our ministry, I needed to quickly get over the reality that many of them could teach better than I could, could plan creative events and games better, etc…  In fact, our students seemed to like them over me!  But God revealed to me that this was necessary and very beneficial for our program, for these interns, and for my own growth and development. This ministry was not about me, and that was a good thing. I have been able to watch these young men and women thrive in leadership at our church and go on into full time ministry. We now have at  least 5 of them serving as full time youth pastors and I honestly hope each one far surpasses me.  Former envy and pride has turned into great praise, admiration, and respect.

Download 8-  iTeach: leading through teaching

The author suggest that as youth leaders, we need to grow in four areas of Biblical knowledge in order to make the Word of God more prevalent in our ministry

Direction- the knowledge of the Bible

Discernment- the difference between the Bible and culture

Defense- the credibility of the Bible (apologetics)

Desire- The wonderfulness of the Bible (the Gospel)

I agree that we need to find a healthy balance between these four.  Generally, I have steered away from traditional apologetics beliving that Christ needs to be promoted more than defended. The author  writes, “thoughtful apologetics are essential for reaching post-Christian, American teens.”  I suppose arguments such as those advocated by Tim Keller, C.S. Lewis, and Ravi Zacharias are beneficial for students thinking about truth, philosophy, and the like.  However, in my experience, most teens are drawn to the experience and encounter of Christ.  As the author later states, “until our teens can see that Christ quenches their souls’ spiritual thirst more than the world, they will always pursue idols to their own harm.”  Therefore, as youth leaders we must unapolegetically promote Jesus and allow His very life and nature to be on display in and through us.  To me, that is the living Word of God in action.

Download 9-   iEmpower: leading servants

The opening sentence is a gold mine:  ”Facilitating key relationships with God and others, encouraging service as a lifestyle, and sharing leadership roles are essential for developing teens as leading-servants.”   I especially appreciate the process of bringing students to that place:

Seekers become believers through relationships

Believers become servants through service

Servants become leading-servants through responsibility

The context that this author is ministering in is much like my own, with students coming from numerous schools and across big geographic areas.  The demographics and worldview is much the same…especially because their church is about 20 miles north of mine.  He concludes, and I agree that the reality is that this teenage population is best reached by teens that are equipped to meet the needs of their peers.  Furthermore, this multiplication of teens reaching teens is dependent upon the development of teens as leading-servants. And of course, this was Jesus’ multiplications approach to ministry as well, and i think it was fairly effective!

download 10-  iPlan: leading through planning

This was a wonderful chapter comparing and contrasting two very different styles of leadership in youth ministry. On the one hand, a very flexible, relational, spontaneous, and outgoing type of person/approach. On the other hand, a rigid, structure, detailed, and ultra organized person. Basically, there are pro’s and con’s to both types of people and approaches and we must do our best to find the happy medium between those two extremes.  But in the end, we must lead out of who we are (and try to be as organized as possible so you don’t get fired!)

Download 11-  iBundle: discovering your unique leadership bundle

As youth leaders, we must be keenly aware of the type of person God has made us, and lead out of that.  Additionally, we must development a vision statement that will steer the ministry.  We must also build a leadership team, be as prepared as we can for everything while still remaining flexible, and lastly (and probably the best point and most important) “think about what you would like to see in your students and leaders, and then live it out yourself.”

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So there you have it. A brief review and reflection of iLead.  I really encourage you to pick up a copy. This can also be a good resource and tool to work through with your leadership team or to hand to someone new in youth ministry. You can purchase it on Kent Julian’s page  www.insideoutyouthworker.com

                                                                                                                                              

A Tribute to Brian Crockett…a message about life and our passing from it

The following was written in preparation of the funeral for Brian Crockett.  For those of you reading this who knew him, you will be able to relate and enter in to this story and message. For readers who did not know Brian, I hope you can find hope and inspiration in these words.  This is a message about untimely death and the questions that come with it.

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Early Friday morning, March 27 2009, Brian Crockett was tragically killed in an automobile accident. He was only 26 years old. 

I mourn the loss of a student, friend, and brother in Christ.  For many of you reading this, you mourn the loss of a dear friend, family member, teammate, roomate, classmate, or childhood friend.  Regardless of how long we knew Brian or in what capacity, together we deeply mourn his passing from us.  There are no easy answers and this has been and will continue to be a difficult time for us all. 

I had the privilege of meeting Brian back in 2001 as he entered his first semester at Gordon College.  I remember reading about him and hearing the stories of his past and recent change and transformation. Little did I know that our paths would cross again later that same year as I moved out to New York and took my job at Bedford Community Church. It was during that time that Brian transferred to Syracuse University to play lacrosse. I was able to witness first hand over the next few years his continued change and how his renewed faith sparked a remarkable turn around in his life.  To know Brian was to admire, respect, and love him.  He was always kind, gracious, funny, and thoughtful. He probably even felt bad every time he laid out an opponent on the field!  I think part of the reason I mourn so deeply is that Brian was a great, great guy.  He always brought a smile to my face and brought energy and joy wherever he went. 

He was a fierce competitor, yet did so with great humility and gentleness. I have never seen such balance before in my life.  If you did not know him or his story, you would never know what an outstanding lacrosse player he was. That was just Brian.  He never boasted or bragged about himself but always wanted to put others and his teammates first. 

Seven years later, I am preparing for his funeral and to watch my friend be buried in a box beneath the ground. This should not be be happening.  This is not right.

Over the past few days I have wondered questions such as “Why did God allow this to happen?”  and “Where was God on Interstate 95 at 12:42 AM that Friday morning?” and

“Of all people, why Brian Crockett?”

Friends, there are no easy answers to these questions.  The more I ask, the more questions I still have. 

While I simply do not have any “absolute” answers to these questions, I continue to wrestle with them openly and honestly.  I have also confronted some pat answers that I do not believe to be true.

I have heard it said “Well, God just needed Brian in heaven more than us”.

As my pastor Dwight Ford says, that is B.S.  (Biblical stupidity…to be nice about it)

I don’t believe for one second that God needed or wanted Brian in heaven more than down here with us.

What does God need Brian there for?  

What God does need and want are for his children to follow and serve him here on earth. 

God desires for his people to be agents of restoration and reconciliation and to be ambassadors of joy, peace, love, grace, kindness, and self-sacrifice for the blessing of others.

If you knew Brian, then you knew he did an excellent job at that and was passionate about doing so.

So no ,I don’t believe that his “time was up” or something along those lines.  This was a terrible accident and it was not the right time for Brian to go.

Nor do I believe what some religious people offer (supposedly so we can find comfort), that God is sovereignty in control of everything and nothing happens apart from His will and decision.

That would mean that God actually planned for the accident or somehow decided that Brian’s time was up.

Also, B.S.

It’s as if God controls every single aspect of human existence and we are basically robots.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t find much comfort in that view.  Fortuntely, the Bible paints a very different picture of God.

Besides, if that argument was true, than a God who would willfully plan a plan to crash or a young child to be raped and killed is not a god that I want to follow or serve.

But again, that is not the God we read about in the Bible.

The God of the Bible is a loving, caring, compassionate God who is pained and hurt to see human suffering just as much as we are.

God mourns with us today.   We read in the New Testament in the gospel of John chapter 11, that  when Jesus’ good friend Lazarus died, Jesus went to his grave and wept.  The actual verse in the Bible is this “Jesus wept.”  It is the shortest and yet one of the most profound verses in all of the Bible because it clearly demonstrates that God can and does sympathazie with us and knows the anguish we feel is losing someone we love.  Yes, we also read in that story that Jesus knew his mission was to destroy death and gives us life that could never be snatched away.  He said, “I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?” (John 11: 25-26)

God  loved humans enough to allow them freedom of choice and will (so that hopefully we would willingly choose to love him and not out of force).  Yet with his freedom, comes a huge risk that humans will mess up, make bad decisions, and that God’s original plans and purposes will somehow be distorted.

Just read the newspapers or watch TV, and you will see the affects of sin and evil all around us.   Things have definitely gone wrong. But it was not this way in the beginning. God’s dream for humanity was to enjoy the peace and pleasure of an intimate relationship with him and others in the context of health and wholeness.  

Anytime we see sickness, illness, hatred, injustice, oppression, and death  it is not a part of God’s plans. 

Have you ever realized that the majority of Jesus’ mission and ministry was to put and end to those things?  He spent his time healing the sick, lame, and crippled. He restored sight to the blind, hearing to the deaf, and speech to the mute.  He destroyed the evil and violent presence of demons and restored the outcasts of that culture such as lepers and prostitutes back into society. 

As Pastor Dwight Ford reminded us about, Jesus interrupted every funeral he ever attended…including his own!

You see, those things are not (and never were) a part of God’s redemptive plan.  That is why Jesus came.

And each one of us knows that to be true deep within our hearts because when we hear of people getting cancer, getting kidnapping, or dying in wars or car accidents, something inside us screams,” This is not right! This is not how it is supposed to be!”

The philosophical writer of a book called Ecclesiastes writes, “He (God) has also set eternity in the hearts of men”.

We long for a time and place were those evils will be defeated and destroyed forever. 

Where the words of old echoed by the apostle Paul will ring true:

“Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

“Where, O death, is your victory? 

      Where, O death, is your sting?”

You see, each one of us longs for that time and place…we long for heaven. 

Jesus prayed that God’s will would be done “on earth as it is in heaven”.

He came to show us the way; to bring health, wholeness, restoration, deliverance, and salvation to humanity.

We continue on his mission today while waiting with great anticipation for all things to be made new and restored back to God’s original intent and dream.

But the question still remains to why God allows these things to happen?  If God did not plan for this accident, couldn’t he have stopped it?

The simple (and yet not so simple ) answer is Yes.  God could have, I suppose. He certainly has the power and ability to do so.

But can, or should God go about preventing every single bad thing from happening throughout the history of humanity?

And where does one draw the line?  Should God step in every time someone makes a bad decision that will bring harm?

Should God have prevented me from breaking my wrist or hitting my thumb with a hammer?

While I must confess that I don’t know these answers, I do know that God deeply cares about what is happening and realizes that we live in a broken and flawed existence where accidents happen and are just that…accidents.

We don’t know why they happen, but they do, and it once again proves that we long for something better…someplace better.  

Now if you knew Brian over the past few years, you were well aware of his transformation.  He had a sincere and strong faith in Christ that did not just give him hope for after he died (like some sort of fire insurance), but it actually changed his life.  What we so loved and admired about him; his joy, gentleness, care, kindness, selflessness, and humility were characteristics of Christ living in and through him.  Brian would tell you the same.  In fact, let me share with you from his own words from an interview with him after his Senior year at Yorktown High school. 

“I made some stupid decisions last year and didn’t fully understand the consequences until I was in the stands watching,’’ Crockett said. “It hurt watching my best friends out there and not being part of it.

“That’s when I realized I needed help to stop what I was doing and to refocus what was important in my life. I sought help and it absolutely benefited me – in every part of my life. In school, in lacrosse and in restored relationships with people.’’

“My advice to others is to keep your focus, and if you’re having a problem do something about it. If you need help, seek it.’’

Well said Brian and thank you.  Thank you for your advise to us and thank you for leading by example. 

The great thing about Brian was that he was real.  Yes, he had his struggles as we all do. But he was willing and wanting to share about them and work through them.  As his mother Karen said, “Brian had a way of sharing his soul with those he loved and trusted.”  As he did,  he discovered grace, forgiveness, and freedom unimaginable.  Brian was the type of Christian that made you want to become one.  He was not some self righteous, unapproachable, holier than thou type of guy.  That was never Brian!  He was someone who had a deep love and respect for God and others and sought Christ during times of difficulty. He found his strength and hope not in programs or religion, but in his relationship with Jesus.  

Now I am not trying to convince you of anything. I am simply sharing what I know Brian would want me to share.  That Christ changed his life and clearly for the better.  So in the midst of this awful tragedy, we are able to find comfort knowing that he is in good hands now. 

Even so, we continue to mourn his loss. 

Yet, as the Apostle Paul writes in his letter to the church in Thessalonica, “You must not carry on like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and broke loose from the grave, God will most certainly bring back to life those who died in Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 4: 13-14, MSG)

We mourn Brian’s loss from us, but we have faith and hope based on the promises in the Bible that we will be reunited with him someday and sometime in the place we long for…heaven

We can and should also celebrate the life of those who pass from us.

It is easy to celebrate Brian’s life. It was so full, rich, and dynamic. Brian lived for adventure and excitement.  He was an avid world traveller (Europe, Central and South America, Israel, Africa), spoke Spanish fluently, spent significant time in Spain and Argentina, loved golf and scuba diving, was a brown belt in martial arts, and was one amazing lacrosse player.  

Ok, so I will take a moment to brag about him. He was the player of the year in 2001 in our region during his senior year at Yorktown High school and I think is still the #2 scorer all time for that dominant school.  He was an All American standout at Syracuse and helped lead them to the National Championship in 2005.  He finished his career with 113 goals and 44 assists for a total of 157 points. He played on many national lacrosse teams as well, but his favorite was the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (which again goes to show you where his heart and priorities were at). For information on making donations to FCA in memory of Brian, you can visit the Facebook group “A Tribute to Brian Crockett”

“He’s a Yorktown legend,” former teammate Mike McCall said. “On and off the field, for many, many good things. We’re really going to miss him.”

“He lived life to the absolute fullest with no regrets,” McCall said. “It’s something that we all admired about him, he never took one day for granted. He’s a worldly traveler, moved on his feet, and just a fun-loving guy.”

We should learn from the life of Brian Crockett to make every day count, live with no fear and no regrets, and make the most of every opportunity. I know that may sound cliche, but Brian honestly embodied that so well. He lived and experienced more in his 26 years than most people do in their lifetime.

We love and miss you Brian. You will be forever a champion in our hearts and we hope to make you proud as we carry on your legacy in our lives

 

Here’s the story that ran after his final season at Yorktown:

What a difference a year makes for Yorktown senior

Mark Alan Teirstein
The Journal News

Yorktown’s Brian Crockett, who capitalized on scoring opportunities and, more importantly, a second chance in life, is The Journal News boys lacrosse player of the year.

“Brian Crockett absolutely deserves to be the player of the year, for what he has done both on and off the field,’’ Yorktown coach John Nicol said, expressing an opinion that was repeated over and over by lacrosse coaches and players throughout the area.

“Crockett is my pick for player of the year, hands down,’’ Fox Lane coach Paul Carcaterra said.

It’s a sentiment felt strongly by Crockett’s own coaches and teammates, those who were affected most by Crockett’s season-long suspension from the team last year because of personal issues.

“There was no bigger bridge burned than there was last year with Brian, but his transformation from last year to this was incredible,’’ Nicol said. “He earned everyone’s respect by the way he dealt with his situation and how he played on the field. He became a real leader on this team, an unofficial captain. His whole demeanor changed.’’

The senior attackman was the Cornhuskers’ go-to player on offense, with 59 goals and 38 assists for 97 points this year. With 138 goals and 76 assists for 214 points in his career, Crockett is tied with Tom Nelson for seventh in Yorktown history in goals scored and ranks ninth, behind Roy Colsey (221), in total points.

“Brian is one of the best all-around players to come through our program,’’ Nicol said. “He’s a huge big-game player. Whenever we needed a big play, whether it be a goal, assist, ground ball or turnover off a ride, Brian came through for us.’’

In the Section 1 championship game, a 12-4 win over John Jay, Crockett had a hand in nine of his team’s goals – four goals and five assists.

The Cornhuskers’ 19-2 season ended with a 7-6 state semifinal loss to Wantagh – after Crockett had tied it with 34 seconds left with his third goal of the game.

But the highlight-reel game for Crockett and his teammates was a regular-season meeting with mighty Ward Melville in which Yorktown came back from a 5-1 deficit to win at Ward Melville for the first time ever. An amazing goal by Crockett tied it at 5-5 with 49 seconds left in regulation before he set up Ryan Culligan for the winner in overtime.

“Ward Melville coach Joe Cuozzo told me he thought Brian was the best player in the state – and that was before the game,’’ Nicol said.

Teammate Chris Watson takes it even further.

“Brian might be the best player in the country,’’ said Watson, a three-time All-American. “There is no question he is the player of the year.’’

What a difference from last year.

“I made some stupid decisions last year and didn’t fully understand the consequences until I was in the stands watching,’’ Crockett said. “It hurt watching my best friends out there and not being part of it.

“That’s when I realized I needed help to stop what I was doing and to refocus what was important in my life. I sought help and it absolutely benefited me – in every part of my life. In school, in lacrosse and in restored relationships with people.’’

When practice started this year, he wondered how he’d be perceived.

“I had been selfish and let the team down last year, and I felt ashamed the first week this year,’’ he said. “But everyone welcomed me back and made it as easy for me as possible.’’

He went on to earn All-America accolades and the interest of top Division I programs. But he chose Division III Gordon College, a Christian liberal arts college in Massachusetts.

“It’s the next step for me,’’ Crockett said. “I want a year there to continue to mature as a person, focusing on school and the right priorities. Then, if I want, I can transfer to a different school.’’

The main thing is he’s on the right track.

“I got sidetracked by things that came close to destroying me,’’ he said. “I was fortunate to get a second chance to play lacrosse and to play lacrosse in college.