the real you? Battling phone booth identities

I grew up watching and loving Superman.  I remember the old cartoons and comic books and then being fascinated with the big screen renditions of the man of steel.  I assume you know the story of Clark Kent and his powers.  A shy, timid, and reserved person, when duty calls, he quickly finds a nearby phone booth and instantly transforms into a superhero. He puts on his cape and tight fighting speedo type outfit and somehow gets more handsome, bold, confident…and yeah can see through things and fly.

But Clark is always battling between his two identities, and depending on the situation or who is around, he feels compelled to be one or the other.  Now, his story is unique and unusual in that his true identity is one of almost perfection, while the “mask” he puts on of weakness is only a facade.

I am arguing sort of the opposite. From my own experience, I feel compelled to put on the SuperPastor outfit before youth group, student meetings, and events, and then during the week return to my normal and true self.

Sometimes I feel guilty about being a youth pastor. I teach lessons (which I really do believe) but think “if my students knew the real me!”

Who is the real me?

Well it is certainly not an ultra conservative Bible in the pocket pastor (although I do have one of those pocket sized Bibles at my table now)

I get real mad when the Red Sox lose,  smoke cigars on occasion, and watch the Family Guy (and laugh at most of the jokes)

The movies I watch you will probably not find on Focus on the Family’s to-do list.

and sometimes I teach my students basically to not do as I do!

So, am I ministering out of who I really am or the type of youth pastor I think I need to be?

Don’t get me wrong, I realize there are areas in my life that need change, and the Holy Spirit (on more than one occasion) has shed light into some pretty dark areas.

But at the end of the day…I am who I am.

I am not sure I am ever going to change…or need to!

Some of you may really have a hard time with that statement.

But I think that only when we can be confident and comfortable with who we are and how God made us, can we truly minister from within.

I have found over the years that the best relationships I have made with students have been when I have been 100% authentic with them.

I just needed to get over my fear of “What will they think?”

Moments when I have shared my doubts, fears, hopes, failure, and questions  have been some of the best conversations.

Why can I not act like myself and be who I am when around my students as I do around my friends and family back home?

There does not and should not need to be dichotomy of self as a youth pastor.

Let God work on the rough patches and gray areas, but don’t feel the pressure to become something or someone you are not.

Be authentic first and ministry will follow.

So let me ask you, when you get up (or sit down) to teach your students, who is actually standing up?  The real you, the “pastor” version of you, or the “cool” version of you that you think they want to see?

I realize at different times we might need to be different things to different people. While I travel and do ministry in Haiti, I am intentionally a different person in some ways. My mannerism, language, and cultural expressions must change in order to assimilate. I knowingly and willingly sacrifice certain things and submit to the culture I am in.

In some ways I guess, being a youth worker is the same.

There are some things I will talk about with my family that would simply not be right or appropriate to talk about with my students.

There are probably some movies that are fine to watch with the “boys” that I would not watch with my students. But then again, who draws that line and at what point?

I certainly don’t want to be hypocrite and be guilty before God and others of the classic “do what I say but don’t do what I do”!  I am pretty sure Jesus condemned the Pharisees for just that.

I think we need to shift towards a harmony and central point between who we are, who we want to be, and what people think of us.

For many, burnout in ministry occurs when a person lives their entire ministry between the expectations of others and then guilt of not being who they want to be.

I know too many young pastors who will say, “if they only knew what I really thought?

Whose preventing you from saying those things?

Who or what is stopping you form speaking what is really on your heart and mind?

And how long will you live and minister like that?  How long can you?

Try to find a healthy place between being authentic in who you are (and really who God made you to be) and the type of person and pastor that your church needs you to be.

But to be honest, I bet if you could ask them honestly, what they really need and want is for you to simply be you…the real you.

We are often the ones raising these unrealistic (and often legalistic) bars that weigh ourselves and others down.

“Oh I could never be like Pastor __________.  He seems to have it all together and does his “devo’s” every day.  He doesn’t seem to have the same struggles that I have.

Oh really?

Listen friends, by far the most refreshing and inspirational people (many of them pastors) I have met have been the ones I can be myself around and who are truly authentic with me about their flaws, screw ups, and shortcomings.

Because then, and only then do I see grace at work and do I feel hope for myself.

I think to myself, “He gets angry at sports too!”

“He struggles with lust like me! “

“She questions certain things about our faith as well!

And then together, we sort through all the mess and rubble and with God’s help smooth out the rough areas of our lives.  We do want to be conformed into the image of Christ, but the intention is not for each one of us to look alike and have a golden halo circling our heads like in the pictures.

Transparency and authenticity are the keys to effective  life-long ministry.

Only when others (be it friends or students) get to know the real you and journey with you through the peaks and valleys, struggles and triumphs, laughter and tears, faith and doubts, will you and I be able to truly minister out of our realities…out of who we truly are.

Authenticity, openness, realness, vulnerability, honesty, and humility are hallmarks of emerging youth ministry.

Together, with our volunteers, colleagues, and students, let’s strive towards Christ-likeness, not with a false sense of self, but understanding and revealing our true selves and letting His grace work in and through us all.

Be who you are and the next time danger calls and you feel the Superman syndrome sneaking up on you, stay away from the phone booth!

The rise of Emerging Youth Ministry

Last week I had the privilege of teaching at Nyack College.

Below is the link to their youth ministry site.

http://www.nyackcollege.edu/content/YMCEFaculty

I was a guest in the Advanced Youth Ministry course taught by veteran youth worker and author Len Kageler.

He has written such books as The Youth Ministry Survival Guide (Zondervan/Youth Specialties) and This Way to Youth Ministry (Zondervan/Youth Specialties).

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Len+Kageler&x=0&y=0

I was honored to teach two consecutive classes, which I entitled “Emerging Youth Ministry and the Emerging Church.”  Sounds like a good name for a blog!

When I first polled the class of 16, only 6 of them had ever heard about the emerging church or word “emergent”.  I was very surprised by this, but also realized that these students were not actively reading and pursuing information apart from their required courses.  They simply don’t have the time or resources to do so.

They also didn’t have the opportunity like many of us to attend progressive conferences and seminars such as Youth Specialties (where I was first introduced to these topics years ago)

So, I knew I was starting from scratch and beginning with the basics, which was both challenging and encouraging.  Since most had not heard anything about the emerging church movement, they did not have preconceived ideas or notions about it like so many I encounter.  The words “liberal”, “hypocrisy”, “absolute truth”, were not associated with the movement…well at least prior to the classes!!

In order to get to know the class, I did something different.  After asking the basic questions of their name and age and where they were from, I asked a series of divisive questions. Each student had to pick one side of the room or the other depending on their answer.  The one rule was you must choose.  There can be no middle ground.

At first the questions were easy:

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

PC or Mac?

Winter or Summer?

But then things got more interesting when I asked Obama or McCain?

Predestination or Free Will?

I like to further push the envelope with questions like:

Pro Choice or Pro Life?

Gays in church or not in church?

Bible inerrant or just infallible?

You can see how these questions aim at polarizing the group and often making individuals very uncomfortable.  They want to either not choose at all or choose a middle ground.

What’s the point of this you may ask?

Good question

It allowed me to lay the foundation for why and how the emerging church movement began over a decade ago.

In addition to finding ways to contextualize the gospel message to postmodern generations, the early emerging leaders were sick and tied of western Christianity (especially evangelicalism) polarizing the faith with such questions.  Depending on your answer, you were either in or out of the group.

Usually these questions were not about the core or essentials of the faith, but about externals and various/particular viewpoints on doctrine and theological interpretations.  As this has occurred over time, so to have factions and divisions, thus leading to literally thousands of splits and new denominations being formed.

The emerging movement resists polarization and attempts to find the middle ground between traditionally labeled “liberal” and “conservative”, among a host of other “categories”.

It does not seek to label people or groups based upon particular viewpoints.

It also rejects having to give answers or make certain theological statements and claims (which is an endless source of frustration to those who want to label the emerging church based upon such convictions and beliefs!)

For more about this, I suggest checking out Tony Jones’ blog at belief.net and reading his latest book The New Christians.

Back to the class…

After this activity I asked each student about the youth group they grew up in.

“How would you describe and define youth group growing up?”

Almost to a student, they responded by saying how large the group was (big or small) and what activities and events they did.  (I thought to myself, this class is going to be interesting!)

One student defined her experience as being involved in a small community, having a really tight relationship with her youth leader and sharing life together…even up to today.

Now that was an answer I could run work with.

Her experience marks what I believe emerging youth ministry to be.

It is not about numbers, programs, events, activities, and systematic ways of describing and calculating success and growth.

It is more organic, fluid, relational, authentic, and a host of other words I could use.

As the class progressed I did a brief background into the history of youth ministry with its pro’s and con’s and made my case that we are indeed in a new cultural phenomenon and context that demands news ways of thinking about youth ministry.  No longer is it about “doing” youth ministry, but rather it’s about a state of “being” youth ministry.  Youth ministry should be defined as who we are and are becoming, rather than what we do.

It was a very engaging class and we discussed how postmodernism affects the way students see the world and religious faith (including truth, objectivity, and experience).

I discussed various ’shifts” in our approach to youth ministry (which I will probably write about in more detail at a later time).  But the main idea is that we need to shift away from certain modes of thought and operation (such as being program driven, attraction oriented, exclusive, isolated, big, hierarchical, etc…) and move towards new ways. Read A New Kind of Youth Ministry by Chris Folsmbee for a good philosophical transitionally approach.

I discussed the practical applications and implications of such transitions in an actual youth ministry setting.

Many of these appear to be in direct contrast to former ideas, and some are clearly and intentionally just that.

I also described some basic characteristics of emerging youth ministry as I see it.  Many of these are passed down from the emerging church movement, but need to be fleshed out in our local youth ministries. Some characteristics are currently shaping my own youth group and some are shaping and transforming other youth groups.  I can honestly say that while my own youth group might not display all of these shifts and characteristics now, we are certainly heading in that direction and seeing the benefits and effectiveness of such shifts.

But back to my opening activity…emerging youth ministries will live in between the two sides. Some aspects of your ministry may lean heavily towards one side or another (hopefully not too many towards the side of traditional/systematic 1980’s youth ministry!)

Emerging youth ministry will not feel the need or pressure to define ourselves by these categories however.  Besides, it is rather difficult to define a community, especially a diverse one because at the end of the day they are just that…a community and not a pile of beliefs, events, or choices.

Emerging youth ministry will be a community of students and adults actively following Jesus and participating in God’s redemptive plan in the world. (It’s still a working definition so don’t quote me on that…yet)

What I found very exciting and encouraging is that by the end of two classes, there was definitely a sense of enthusiasm and interest in an emerging philosophy of youth ministry. Many students simply had never thought a new approach was plausible and possible, although they all saw the need and potential.

In fact, in a survey given at the end, all the students claimed to learn new information and all but one said they would sign up for a course offered exclusively on this subject.

I think what is happening is this.

Students are resonating with these shifts and characteristics either because many of them were the ones that worked best while they were in youth group, or because they see the downfalls of much of the traditional ways and are hoping for change.

Often, disillusionment gives birth to action.

I could see the eyes open and light bulbs go on as we discussed the need to focus on creating experiences for our students rather than just dumping more and more information on them.

There was an excitement buzzing around contemplating the need to be more involved and engaged in our local community and in service, rather than being in isolation and hoping that bigger and better forms of entertainment will attract students to our doors.

Especially at Nyack College (which places a high value on spiritual formation), the students agreed that we must develop new and creative ways for our students to encounter Jesus, rather than just learn about him, and a shift from orthodoxy (right believing) to orthopraxis (right living) needs to take place.

True spiritual formation (in my experience) rests in the middle ground of the two, but often youth ministry focuses on the first while ignoring the later.

Many of these changes, or “shifts” come as a result of lessons learned from youth ministry veterans such as Len Kageler, Doug Fields, and Mark Oestricher.  Younger leaders such as Chris Folsmbee, Andrew Root, Dan Kimbal, Tony Jones, and many of you are learning from the past and trying to figuring out what this all means and can look like in our contexts.

Emerging youth ministry is not a tightly packaged program or philosophy. Its more messy, alive, and confusing then that.  We are on this journey together, and I for one appreciate all those who have gone before us. They too were attempting to communicate Christ in relevant ways to their own culture and time.  And much of it worked back then and still works now. But we are finding it to be less and less effective with our ever-changing culture and spiritual climate.

The definition of “Emerging” is to be newly formed or just coming into prominence

Adj.1.emerging – coming to maturity; “the rising generation”

rising

future – yet to be or coming; “some future historian will evaluate him”

2.emerging – coming into existence;

I like those definitions as they relate to the current state of youth ministry and its future. Emerging youth ministry is coming forth out of our past; coming into its own; birthing something new and different out of something already established.

We are hatching from our birth parents coming into existence, prevalence, and prominence.

So, we press on. Learn from past, live in the present, and keep our eyes on the future.

Times are changing and so must the way we think and approach youth ministry. I am encouraged to see that many of the younger youth leaders (especially those in training) are eager for change and willing to join in this adventure as well.

Updates

Friends,

I have added a page entitled “What I am Reading”. I hope to continue to update my monthly reading list for those who are interested.

I also added new recommended  books under the Postmodernism category.  I have found these books to be most insightful.

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day…opening our horizens

At our youth group, half our student body is Catholic (we have a few Jewish, atheist, and agnostic students sprinkled in as well)

Saint Patrick’s Day has become a huge cultural celebration that transcends religious beliefs and ethnic boundaries.  Hey, after all, everyone is Irish on St. Patty’s Day!

But it occurred to me that very few students knew the story behind the parade…the man called Patrick.  If you have never read or familiarized yourself with his life, I highly recommend it.  Once kidnapped in slavery at age 16 and brought from his home in England to the land of savages in Ireland, Patrick had visions from God that gave him strength and lead to his escape.

So inspired and moved by God once home, he felt compelled to return as a missionary to preach the gospel to a land that had never heard the message of Christ before.  The story continues and his writings are full of profound insights, theology, prayers, and confessions that challenge and inspire me deeply.   I have included at the end a hymn written by Patrick back around 430 AD.

Yet, very few Christians (especially Protestant) know his story.  Often we neglect to appreciate the deep and rich history of our faith and should admire courageous men like Patrick for their example, commitment to Christ,and ministry.

So, we decided to show a documentary at church to “celebrate the life and ministry of Patrick”.

One of elders was outraged that our church would do such a thing and associate ourselves with anything “Catholic”.  Has it really come down to that?  Such a polarization!

Here is what I wrote to this man in response to his “deep concern’ about our church sending mix messages and confusing ideas to the congregation.

_________________________________________________________________________

“Regarding your other objection to Saint Patrick (whether to the actual celebration or a documentary video), I would recommend you read some biographical information on him if you have not done so. I believe a documentary like his will serve misinformed individuals such as yourself a great deal. (and please know that I do not mean that as an insult)

I for one was greatly misinformed about the rich history of our faith growing up, and personally was very prejudice against anything “Catholic” until I actual studied about the history of faith and theology while attending seminary.

While there are clearly some gross injustices, heresies, and atrocities associated with Catholicism, we should still be able to recognize and celebrate the many positives. There have been and are great missionaries (like Patrick) and great theologians in the past and present such as Ignatius of Loyola, Thomas Aquinas, Jerome, Justin Martyr, Fransis of Assisi, Henry Nouwen, and Thomas a’ Kempis,whose book the Imitation of Christ is still regarded as one of the most influential Christian devotional books written).

My point is that only when I started to read and research and embrace the history of our faith, did I come to realize how God had clearly been working throughout the history of the church, well before the Reformation.

Patrick happens to be a great missionary, who God worked through to preach the gospel, perform  miracles, and reach an unreached people group for Jesus.
What the Catholic church has done to patronize him and how we celebrate his day, should not take away from the man himself and what God accomplished through his life of obedience, faith, and dependency upon the Holy Spirit.

I have come to learn much from the past and to embrace the practices of ancient Christianity (from the early church father to the mystics).  My faith has increased as a result.
Also, I am open to what the Spirit of God is doing here and now in our midst and am willing to give Him permission and freedom to work (even if it appears to be outside of my traditions or areas of comfort) God is much bigger than our rules, traditions, regulations, and even “sacredness” of the religion itself) That was the message of Jesus and unfortunately the pious religious leaders at the time did not embrace that message and killed Jesus for it.
Though they had good intentions, they missed what God was doing in their midst, and I for one, do not want to fall into that same category and judgment.”

________________________________________________________________________

Unfortunately, this man did not respond to my words so well.  He has actually been asked to resign from the board (for a number of different reasons) and has come to the decision to leave our church as well.

My point of mentioning this is simple:

We have much to learn and celebrate from the rich and diverse history of our faith. The traditions of past and present, while different than our own, provide a wonderful opportunity for our faith to increase.  Perhaps our small, tightly packaged box of beliefs and views can actually open up and expand to become a much larger, fuller, and deeper box.

This national “holiday” of sorts, Saint Patrick’s Day has given me an opportunity and invitation to expand the horizons of my students as we learn together to appreciate what God has been doing through his servants throughout the centuries. Of course, we can also expand our food and spirits horizons at your local Irish pub!

So, as you listen to U2 or The Cranberries (depending on your style) and drink some Guinness (depending on whether or not you are Baptist!), thank God for examples like Patrick, and may we all follow in his footsteps of a life of obedience, sacrifice, servant hood, piety, faith, prayer, and mission.

(by the way, Patrick was not recognized as a “Saint” until decades later, did not drive out snakes since there were none in Ireland at the time, did not use the 3 leaf clover to describe the Trinity, and was basically kicked out of the priesthood for failure to submit to authority. He was however a great contextual theologian and missionary who reached an entire people for the Kingdom of God)

I bind unto myself today

The strong name of the Trinity,

By invocation of the same,

The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this day to me for ever,

By power of faith, Christ’s Incarnation;

His baptism in the Jordan River;

His death on cross for my salvation;

His bursting from the spicèd tomb;

His riding up the heavenly way;

His coming at the day of doom;

I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power

Of the great love of the Cherubim;

The sweet ‘Well done’ in judgment hour;

The service of the Seraphim,

Confessors’ faith, Apostles’ word,

The Patriarchs’ prayers, the Prophets’ scrolls,

All good deeds done unto the Lord,

And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today

The virtues of the starlit heaven,

The glorious sun’s life-giving ray,

The whiteness of the moon at even,

The flashing of the lightning free,

The whirling wind’s tempestuous shocks,

The stable earth, the deep salt sea,

Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today

The power of God to hold and lead,

His eye to watch, His might to stay,

His ear to hearken to my need.

The wisdom of my God to teach,

His hand to guide, his shield to ward,

The word of God to give me speech,

His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,

The vice that gives temptation force,

The natural lusts that war within,

The hostile men that mar my course;

Or few or many, far or nigh,

In every place and in all hours

Against their fierce hostility,

I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan’s spells and wiles,

Against false words of heresy,

Against the knowledge that defiles,

Against the heart’s idolatry,

Against the wizard’s evil craft,

Against the death-wound and the burning

The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,

Protect me, Christ, till thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,

Christ behind me, Christ before me,

Christ beside me, Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me,

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

Christ in hearts of all that love me,

Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the name,

The strong name of the Trinity;

By invocation of the same.

The Three in One, and One in Three,

Of whom all nature hath creation,

Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:

Praise to the Lord of my salvation,

salvation is of Christ the Lord.

we have it so easy!

I was having a great conversation with a friend/mentor of mine who served as a youth pastor for about 8 years while also writing a few books on youth ministry.  He is now writing, thinking, and speaking about issues of the emerging church and emergent theology.

He was remembering back to his days as a youth pastor, chuckling at some of the funny moments and reliving the anxious ones when he blurted out “you know  you guys have the easiest job out there!”

Now we were hanging out with a few emergent pastors (who also happened to be former youth pastors) and they all nodded their heads in agreement.  Immediately I laughed it off and listened to their explanations.  They were speaking from experiences, having been on both sides of the ministry and making the transition from “Jr.” church to the real deal.

I pondered their reasoning and to be quite honest was a bit defensive and hurt at first.

I thought about this for some time and realized that to some extent, my friend was right.

It is not very hard to plan a ski trip, hold a dodge ball tournament, or organize a car wash fundraiser.

So I thought about doing my own version of the Redneck bantering

Here goes.

You know youth ministry is the easiest job out there when….

Your toughest decision in a day is deciding whether to play kickball or shuffle your buns…

Your biggest challenge in a week is setting up chairs and sofas for a Superbowl party and stressing out to make sure we collect enough money to cover the pizza.

You “worry” about picking up enough snacks for your weekly meetings, making sure to send out our emails on time, or choosing which game to do for youth group.

When you get paid to eat out all the time.

When you get to sleep in past 9am almost any day if you really wanted to.

When you don’t have to sit through long and tedious board meetings, but are actually applauded when you rather hang outside and throw a football around.

______________________________________________________________________

Now, I could go on and on and I am sure that every youth pastor’s context is different.

I remember times when I was at the beach, Six Flags, the mall, or playing paintball with my students and thinking “I actually get paid to do this!”

Let’s be honest, leading a camping trip is not that difficult.

Spending time in the summer on roller coasters would make any person’s job description quickly improve.

Anyone would jump at the opportunity to get paid to take kids out to lunch or watch their sports events or plays (unless the kid is really bad and then you couldn’t pay me enough to sit through that ordeal….just kidding (but not really)

When my friends here about what I get to do (and what I don’t have to do) I can see their envy level rising.

Then why is it that far too many youth pastors quit from burn out so soon?

Why is the national average stay for a youth pastor at a church still about 18 months?

If being a youth pastor is so easy, why are there fewer and fewer people training to become one?

Why are churches finding it more and more difficult to find and keep good ones?

These questions do not seem to line up with the presumption that youth ministry is easy.

Maybe that’s because youth ministry is not!

Yes, if you compare the “work load” of a youth pastor to..let’s say a missionary, professor, senior pastor, or even author/speaker, I would probably agree that in general there are far more demanding ministry careers than youth pastor.

But…which careers have as much at stake than youth ministry?

Senior pastors basically spend their time trying to inform, motivate, and please Christians. (I understand this is a huge generalization, but I still think it to be mostly true). Statistics show that over 90% of people regularly attending church to be Christian.

Youth pastors are trying to convince non-Christians the importance of following Jesus.

Just think about the number of teens attending your program who are not Christians!

Research continues to show that 85% of people will make decisions to follow Christ by the age of 18. So there is tremendous pressure for youth pastors to reach these students before they graduate and leave our presence.

You can begin to understand why many youth pastors buckle under that kind of pressure.

Youth pastors feel such a heavy burden for their students.

Students fighting through (and often losing) battles against addictions, self esteem, identity crisis, depression, etc..

We carry the burdens of so many upon our shoulder and usually we are the only ones in their lives willing to do so…and that takes a great toll on us as individuals and pastors.

Youth pastors also (as all of you reading this probably know) tend to be under appreciated at churches. Certainly our pay shows that.  A ten year veteran youth pastor will probably make less than a rookie “associate”.  That’s just how it goes.

Money aside, often churches are happy if we can produce enough programs to keep the students occupied and out of the way of the adults.  Seldom are youth pastors asked about the important decisions regarding the church or truly seen as a vital component of the church’s vision and future.

Now, every church is different. I am blessed to be at one that does understand, support, and appreciate who I am and what I do. But I know that the large majority of youth pastors do not have that, thus making their jobs even more difficult.

I think everyone would agree that it is far easier to do your job in an environment of praise, support, and resources than without those.  Youth pastors generally are not afforded such luxuries.

And yet, we are still called to persevere through it all in order to communicate the gospel to students that we love.

Is youth ministry easy?  From the perspective of someone looking from the outside in…sure.

But from one who is entrenched in the lives of my students, daily making sacrifices that may never be noticed, choosing a pay decrease to remain in youth ministry, giving up valuable time with friends and family during nights and weekends, having to put up with middle school antics and high school drama every single day, often being over utilized and under appreciated at the same time, and praying with never ending tears over the pain and anguish of students….no, its not easy.

I would argue that youth ministry is not easy and in fact may just be the most demanding career out there in ministry.

God, grant us all the strength, faith, wisdom, courage, perseverance, and hope to remain faithful to your calling and to continue to reach students with your love.

Amen.