I have taken a short break since Christmas and will be posting new blogs starting January 5th.
Stay tuned for some ideas on shifting aspects of youth ministry; some more books reviews, including A New Kind of Youth Ministry; the problem with parents series; Teen issues; and some emergent chatter.
In the mean time, I would love to read some comments, ideas, questions, etc… you may have regarding older posts.
I look forward to continuing this conversation and journey together in the upcoming year.
Recently I saw a bumper sticker that said, “Keep the X in Xmas”, mocking the saying “Keep Christ in Christmas.”
During the past 1oo years or so, Christmas has developed more and more into a holiday of over abundance and less and less as the season to remember and reflect the birth of our Savior.
I fear that our society has lost the true meaning of Christmas long ago, and although we as Christians believe, I wonder how much of our lives reflect the culture more than the Christ. Our nation is more concerned about how to pay for Christmas, then how to reflect upon it and prepare for it!
How can we truly get Christ back into Christmas?
Each year I struggle with remaining focused on the true meaning and significance of Christmas. In the midst of the holiday chaos, when we can be so busy doing things for others, we often neglect the more important thing, being with the incarnate Christ…the Word of God made flesh…Jesus!
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So, this Christmas, while we will still go to the malls, attend parties, travel to see family, write cards, bake cookies (or if you are like me, eat cookies!), let us spend time each day focusing on our Savior.Even during these seemingly mundane things, Christ is present. He desires to be fully present in your life no matter what…and that is one of the greatest presents we could ever receive!
As you listen to Christmas carols, focus on the truth and beauty of the words. As you buy and wrap gifts, remember the greatest gift ever given to humanity. As you visit family, reflect on what it means to be a part of God’s family. And as you enjoy meals together, be thankful that in Christ, God has made a way for communion, relationships, and fellowship with Him and others.
He came to bring peace, hope, reconciliation, and restoration to all of mankind. That is the good news (gospel) of Christmas and we certainly should rejoice, celebrate, and proclaim that to everyone!
So, let the good news of Jesus permeate your hearts and lives this Christmas season.
As you make room for Him in your lives, allow the true meaning and message of Christmas be on display in your life. Let your words, character, attitude and actions reflect Jesus’ teachings and mission. Let love, kindness, justice, compassion, generosity, and peace flow into and out of us this month.
And lastly, hold lightly onto your possessions so that they do not possess you. High tightly onto people, especially the least ones in whom we meet Christ now. Remember that we are not what we acquire or accomplish as much as what we have received from God.
“The deepest joys come not from the money we earn, the friends we surround ourselves with, or the results we achieve. Rather we are who God made us to be in His infinite love. We are the gifts we are given.”
I think in America we have replaced Jesus with Santa in very real and concrete ways.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Santa. I actually had a big crush on him (so to speak) when I was a kid. And the historic Saint Nick seemed to be a great guy and probably a solid follower of Jesus.
However, here in America (and I assume elsewhere as well), we have trivialized and commercialized this once sacred holiday and occasion.
Right after Thanksgiving, department stores and radio stations begin advertising for Christmas. We spend so much time and money getting gifts (and then trying to figure out how to pay for them in the months to come.)
Here is one of those infamous Youth Ministry stories…
I remember the first Christmas I was at my church, I brought a handful of students (mostly middle school girls) to the mall before Christmas time. I figured this would be a fun way to spend time together and buy gifts for family and friends. One eleven year old girl was given $300 dollars for the mall trip (yeah, our area is on the wealthy side)
But here is where it got interesting.
When we all met back up to leave, there she was with both tiny arms full of shopping bags.
Yet, a look of shame and embarrassment was plastered on her face as she realized that she forgot to get anything for her family.
She had gone to the mall with money to spend for others and had spent it all on herself!
What an image of how our culture has immortalized the giver of presents (Santa and his little elves)
We love to get stuff, and while giving can feel good, getting sure feels a whole lot better…especially if it is a new Iphone or PS3!
So, this year we have transformed our annual mall trip.
A few weeks ago we decided to sponsor a needy family from our community. Both parents were recently let go due to the bad economy. We asked them if our youth group could help provide a Christmas this year.They graciously supplied us with some wish lists for their four children.
So, our students signed up to purchase the various gifts and now our mall trip is the time and place to go and get those gifts for this family. So, a large reason for us to even go is not for ourselves, but rather to bless a family in need and to be reminded about the true meaning of Christmas.
Christ came to give his life to us and we are called to do the same for others. And Christmas time is the perfect season to give back our time, money, and kindness.
We have also slightly modified our parties as well.
This year at our annual Youth Group Christmas party, in addition to each student bringing a wrapped gift for our gift swap, everyone brought a grocery bag full of canned goods for our local pantry (North Westchester Community Center of Katonah)
Through word and action (and by example) we are hoping to transform our students’ experience of Christmas and get them focused on the “other”.
Imagine having today’s teens willingly go without 1 or 2 gifts to make sure that a family in our area can experience a joyous Christmas!
Yes, the trappings and temptations will still exist but what I have found is that rather than trying to buck the system and not allow the consumerism and commercialism to enter the holiday, use the platforms and systems of our society and transform them into something new.
Malls will still exist. Movies, music, parties, and wish lists as well.
But so does the Spirit of Jesus to use those very things to open eyes, touch hearts, and transform lives. We have found that the majority of students still celebrate Christmas and are very open to hearing more about the true significance of the season.
Heck, even the Grinch realized that it was more than just bells, whistles, and bows.
“He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more!”
Longevity, messiness, and yard work. These are some of the approaches to youth ministry I have taken over the years.
I recently received an email from the dad of a former student. In his email he simply thanked me for the times I had spent with his son. His son is now preparing to go to Ecuador as a missionary for a few months, as he continues to sort through and wrestle with God’s calling on his life.
I have had the privilege of walking him through these thoughts and discussing many other issues and areas of his life over the past seven years. I have been able to watch him grow and develop through the awkward stages of puberty and mature into a fun and solid man of God.
These types of conversations and experiences did not happen during youth group, Sunday school, or even in small group.
They happened during the times when I shared my life with him…as one friend to another and as one man to a man to be.
Whether it is sharing a home-cooked meal at your house, meeting at a coffee shop for a cup of coffee, watching a sporting event or school play, traveling and talking, visiting an elderly person together, or doing yard work, I tend to believe that in these moments the divine presence of Jesus meets our everyday ordinary interactions and transcends them.
I have spent 7 years investing time, prayer, and lunch money into this student..and consider him now more a friend than student.
When I had yard work projects, he would be the first I would call and while pulling up old stumps and cutting down shrubs we would talk about life, family, relationships, faith.
Every week the topics would change and he and I would both be in different places as well, but the relationship continued.
We would sit and talk as we chowed down our “Cluckin Russian” sandwiches from the local deli.
Here is my point.
I am proud of this relationship and thankful for the email. It believe that is what youth ministry needs to be. I only wish I did it more often and with more kids.
For all of the __insert name here____’s out there, how many more would benefit from these type of relationships?
I struggle with this because obviously as youth pastors we cannot be all things to all people at all times (even Jesus didn’t see every person and meet every need). Some needs he must have left unmet and unfulfilled. Others he passed onto his disciples.
So, time is certainly one major obstacle to overcome in relational youth ministry and it gets worse, if and when you get married, and eventually have children.
And sometimes, if the truth be told, we connect easier with some students and look to avoid others at all costs.
The other factor with relational youth ministry is fighting the temptation to spend all of your time with a few select (and small) group of students. While to some degree this is necessary, I often wonder how many occasions I made a decision for the wrong reasons.
As youth pastors, we also have to battle against dependency and too much intimacy. We never want a student to feel like they “need” us.
For one, we will never have the space we need personally. Second, valued time may be taken away from other students. Also, our goal should be the long-term health and well being of the student, and only God can provide that. If a student “needs” me for much more than a semester of so, I think we are in trouble. Who am I anyway?
Additionally, we must be very careful about the opposite sex. Naturally, we must check our own hearts and motives. But sometimes, members of the opposite sex (or maybe even same sex) can be attracted to those in our positions as youth leaders. Be careful not to forge an emotional bond that may be taken the wrong way by your student. Sometimes being too kind and friendly can lead down roads you ought not to travel.
I get it. Relationships take time and are hard work, but they are worth it.
I have included part of the email sent from this dad not to boast. It is actually another confession, because I rarely get these kinds of emails. I wish I did more often because that would probably mean I was using my time wisely and efficiently and doing relational youth ministry more.
I doubt you would remember, but we met very briefly at my son’s (______) graduation party 1-1/2 years ago. I was glad to meet you then, and had heard a lot of positive things about you before that from ____
I wanted to send this note to let you know how greatly appreciative I am of the time and effort you’ve been investing in him, and to let you know how gratifying it is to hear how his faith and spiritual maturity has been growing over the last few months.
…I felt our relationship becoming more distant, and I know that a couple of times in desperate attempts to right the ship, I said things to him that probably alienated him further instead of drawing him in.
Yesterday, however, he called me, and we spoke for nearly 2 hours. It was one of the most amazing conversations I’ve ever had with him as he shared with me some of the things he’s been learning and really internalizing through his meetings with you and from his own study.
For the last several months I’ve been praying that God draw _____ to Him, to provide him wisdom in his decisions, and that we could connect again. This was such an answer to prayer, and I fully recognize how God has used you to help bring about that answer. I felt I needed to write to let you know that God is working through you mightily, to encourage you by letting you know that you’re making a difference, and to Thank You for your efforts and commitment.
(If you have time, take a look at the video above created by a good friend and former youth leader of mine)
I get it. Relational youth ministry is not easy!
It is easier to hid behind a desk full of clutter then have to listen to a student discuss his addictions.
It is more enjoyable to stay at home and play video games then to be the mediator between a girl and her abusive father.
I would rather be here typing this blog than have to ponder my response to a student who thinks he is gay.
So, not only is relational and intentional ministry to adolescents not easy, it can be hell in some moments.
But it is only in these moments that we can discover the healing and transformative power of the incarnational youth ministry.
It tends to be during these moments of sharing life together that real and often unsolicited conversations take place with teenagers.
Conversations about their struggles, parents, identity issues, addictions, fears, pain, questions, etc…
I am unsure how many relationships have developed and matured during my mid-week meetings.
Only when we start leaving the comfy confines of our offices and youth rooms and start getting messy with the real lives of our teens, will our ministry take root.
Sure, they may remember some of our messages and events, but they will never forget the time you were there for them in the hospital, or the time when you both just cried for hours over the phone about the divorce.
In order to enter into the lives of teens, we must exit out of our comfort zones.
And this implies both internally (what we are willing to listen to and discuss) and physically (leaving our offices and youth rooms).
It is totally uncomfortable to listen to a girl talk about suicide and see the cuts on her arm.
It is awkward to talk with a student about his addiction to pornography and masturbation.
It is difficult to sit and listen to the stories of neglect, verbal and physical abuse that goes on in a home of a “Christian” parent and their kids.
But it must be done for the sake of our students.
They are crying out for caring adults to come beside them to listen and enter into their lives… not to shy away from the reality of their situations or offer cheap Sunday school answers.
(Of course, I must make a disclaimer and say that in some situations, as youth pastors we must refer our students to trained professionals. Don’t try to tackle an issue that is way out of your league because you think you have to.)
It will take time, it will cost you some evenings at home and precious hours of sleep, it should cost you some lunch money, and it will cost your heart being broken and poured out.
Youth ministry can hurt and produce emotional pain in the youth leader.
But it is worth it.
And building these kind of relationships is a hard (basically impossible) task for one person.
As youth pastors, we have one of two options. Either try to get smaller and have less students involved so you can build healthy, long-lasting relationships….or……
Try to assemble a large enough team of leaders and invest in them personally, spiritually, and philosophically the importance of relational youth ministry, as opposed to just recruiting more chaperons for your annual lock in.
I will conclude with an email I recently sent to my volunteer leaders.
I do not include this to display what a great idea it is. Contrary, I sent this because I was so convicted that we were not really serving our students the way they needed and deserved.
And that was primarily my fault.
I would like to think that things are changing, but we still have a long way to go in this rediscovered pursuit of relational/incarnational youth ministry.
Over the past few months I have been struck with the importance and necessity of building real relationships wit h our students. Not just the kind that wishes them well each Wed and stays at the surface level, but the kind of relationships that enter into their lives; their pain, suffering, hurt, joys, fears, hopes, and dreams.
The kind of relationships that are willing to ask the tough questions about home life, schoolwork, addictions, anger issues, self esteem, etc… and be willing not just to pray for them, but to come alongside them in the midst of what they are going through
Sometimes it will be good things and a real blessing, and
other times it will be difficult, discouraging, and depressing
We need to be prepared ourselves and be able to handle whatever comes our way. We need to be emotionally and spiritually ready and mature enough to help these students deal with these issues and bring healing and hope to them.
Some of our kids battle depression, anger, child abuse, neglect, spiritual confusion, shattered dreams…but do we even know about this stuff.
Are we asking the right questions?
Are we taking enough time to find out?
Are we really doing a good job of building relationships that will last?
Are you willing to join with me and do this?
I just think that we are doing a disservice to the real needs of these kids by only entering into their lives for 2 hours each Wed (and if we don’t have small group time then it seems like it can be all surface level stuff some weeks)
I am not sure what the next step is except to commit to pray for them individually, be very intentional every time we see then, and make sure to contact them throughout the week.
If the Lord leads you to do more, then great!
It may seem like an overwhelming task with over 40 students, but God has blessed us with a great team.
So, if we can each find a few students to intentionally build real relationships with, that would be an answer to my prayers…and maybe to theirs as well!
I know everyone is busy, but I believe these students are worth it.
I don’t expect you guys to have the time (like I can afford) to meet with students one-on-one each week, but I have to believe that we all have the time to write to a few and make a few phone calls each week.
Please let me know if you read this and what your thoughts are in general, and specifically about your individual role and desires for this ministry.
I will end my review with some excerpts and thoughts that I have found most helpful from his last section entitled “Rules of Art for Place-Sharing in Community”
We need to rethink a few things in order to make this transition into relational youth ministry more effective.
Rethink the youth pastor and adult leader
The youth pastor should have a connection to all adolescents in the congregation but be in a relationship with a few.
I have found this to be true and essential, especially as the size of the church grows. If you only have a few students in your church, make an effort to build relationships with them all. However, if there are hundreds of teens, then they should all know you, but perhaps you might only know a few closely…and that is okay! But make a point to be accessible and available to them and their families.
The youth pastor is the coordinator (or matchmaker) of adult to adolescent bonds.
This will hold especially true for larger youth ministries where the youth pastor cannot possibly get to know all of the students well. And no, this is not some E-harmony thing for youth groups, but an attempt to provide each student with a caring adult/mentor who will walk through life with them together.
Rethink the Youth Ministry
Youth ministry should work to provide all students with meaningful relationships with adults in the church. The ultimate aim should no longer be to build a large and exciting (and often isolated) youth group of adolescent entertainment. Rather, events and activities should be viewed as times and places where adults and teens can encounter one another and have meaningful interactions.
Youth Ministry in the future should:
connect adults with adolescents
be a resource to the family
work with and for the parents
include teens in as many church-wide activities as possible
The youth ministry must be custom-designed around the multiple forces affecting adolescents and families; and the youth ministry should speak (both to adult leaders and adolescents) of sociopolitical issues and the call to responsible action.
Rethink the congregation
The job of the youth pastor is to work at bridging the congregation and its adolescents.
I have found that the longer I serve at my church, the more opportunities and experiences I get to participate in the broader church. As I slowly earn more respect and trust within the larger church body, I become a much better advocate for our youth ministry. I can also find more ways to help make the church more “teen’ friendly while helping the youth respect and appreciate the broader church family more.
The youth pastor calls parishioners to see, listen to and act for the adolescents in the congregation and local community.
Our annual Youth Sundays, Mission Sundays, and mission trips serve as great ways for our church to get to know our students and see what God is doing in and through them. (I also plan them around important church and budget meetings, so the youth are fresh in everyone’s mind!)
The charts and summaries on pages 207, 213, and 216 are worth the price of the book.
There is much content in Andrew Root’s book. Much of it is deeply rooted in theology and the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer (whom I happen to enjoy reading as well).
If you are looking for a quick book on how to better get to know your students…this is not it!
If you are looking for a book on how to get more students to accept Jesus..than this is probably not for you either.
Root does an excellent job balancing the history, theology, and philosophy of youth ministry to argue his one main point, which I will now try to summarize.
Youth Ministry must not be about influencing students toward any one end. Rather, ministry should be about entering wholly and fully into the real lives as teenagers and seeing them as humans and not objects to be won.
While I agree with many who have emailed me that this book didn’t not offer many practical insights or applications, I also tend to think it was not his agenda to do so.
We must take the propositions from this book and bring it into our own context and culture;whether in inner city, camp ministry, suburban youth group, etc…
I came away from this reading highly energized, excited, and challenged to allow students the freedom to be more real and authentic with me. I also have a new-found desire to enter into the messiness of their lives and ask real questions about what is really going on inside them and surrounding them.
Cookie cutter weak answers that I have often given to questions about pain and suffering no longer work. Rather, I must be willing to enter into their pain and suffering with tears, prayers, and hope.
Each time I meet a new student, I now wonder what his or her life is like at home and at school.
What is his or her story?
What kind of parents do they have?
Has their view of God been distorted in any way because of past experiences?
No longer do I simply wonder, “how can I convince this student to raise his or her hand at the end of my talk”? I would like to think that I have begun the slow and necessary transition from a strategy of influence towards a theology of incarnation; being with and for others.
In part two of his book, Andrew Root begins to explore in depth and detail the implications and applications of relational youth ministry based upon the theology of Christ’s incarnation.
In order to do so, Root researches the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer and his teachings on “place-sharing” as the embodiment of the incarnation in community.
He chooses Bonhoeffer in part because of his belief that life and theology cannot be separated. Dietrich’s theology was highly influenced (rightly so) by and through his unique experiences and his own relational practice of ministry.
Root, through Bonhoeffer answer the question of Who is Jesus Christ? by explaining him in the following terms:
The Incarnate-” The incarnation reveals that liberation can occur only through the human Jesus who lived in full obedience to the Father, and is so doing reveals what it is to be truly human…In becoming human and desiring nothing other for humanity, we see the extent of God’s being-for-us.”
This means that the incarnation is not about influence but about solidarity in common humanity, and so relationship ministry should be the same.
The Crucified- Jesus’ example demonstrates that to be near broken and sinful humanity of another is to expose your own humanity to the suffering of hurt, insult, and violence. “To be incarnate is to be crucified.”
Relational Youth ministry is about suffering with adolescents. It’s about sharing in their place with empathy, sympathy, and commonality.
If you do not suffer in youth ministry, then you are not doing youth ministry. It will hurt and break your heart at times.
Root writes, “We must reach out to their (teens) humanity even if it means the suffering of our own humanity, for this is the way of the cross…We have offered them trips to Disneyland, sill games and cool youth rooms, not companionship in their darkest nights, their scariest of hells.”
The Resurrected- Jesus has overcome sin and death and can set us free
Relational ministry as participation in God’s presence…the social/communal reality of the incarnation
We were created to be social beings, and so we can only truly discover who we are alongside other people.
Therefore, to be in relationship with another is to encounter Jesus Christ who is beside and for us. Jesus is “concretely present within the social life of the community when someone is invited into its life he or she is not only sharing in the community but also sharing in the person of Christ.”
This all means that community is essential for youth ministry.
But not just small group time within the youth culture, but teens must be involved in the life of the congregation…to be integrated with the broader and more diverse church community.
“The theological commitment to relationships in relational ministry should be solely because in our connection one to another as I and you Christ is concretely present.”
Root wisely fights for boundaries within these relationships, arguing that the youth worker’s openness to the student must be balanced with “closedness”.
We must be able to say that we are not available and need time to be away. “Being able to say no to young people communicates that ministry is person to person and not producer to consumer.”
Like Andrew, early in my ministry I was much more concerned about the adolescents being spiritual than human, being holy than being honest. I was more concerned with what they knew than how they lived in society, home, and the world.
The ministry of place sharing and how it works
Too often youth ministry has more to do with getting students saved or committed rather than the continued mission of God.
“Relations are lost when adolescents are imprisoned in dehumanizing activities and attitudes, because without freedom there can be no true relationships. But the fact that there is only freedom through the person of Jesus means that freedom to be a human being though the new humanity of Christ, which means being for others in responsibility (appropriate ethical action).”
Relational ministry, from a theological perspective, is not about influence but transcendence, about concretely experiencing the otherness of God within my concrete relational bond to the adolescent.”
It is not a strategy for influencing teens toward some end (even if the end is something good such as spiritual formation).
Relationships are the real, tangible place where we can become place-sharers for young people
This type of youth ministry is practiced understanding the complexity of both person and culture
We must therefore be astute to the culture our students are in and be aware to the many factors influencing each particular students (family background, intellect, work, etc…)
The last two sections focus on the some practical illustrations, examples and application for relational transformation and place-sharing in youth ministry.
Our culture (cultural totality as Root calls us) and the Otherness of God (Transcendence) are brought together in Christ (Reality).
God is wholly Other, but we experience the otherness of God in the nearness of our human neighbor
(his map on pg 177 was a bit confusing)
But basically it is when person meets person (cultural engagement) that the presence of Christ is experienced. (I think)
The stories of Kelly and Mandi, Will and Sean are great (pg 178-191) and serve to illustrate how transformation occurs as a sign of God’s in-breaking through relationships.
The goal of youth ministry is not to bring about transformation (for Root correctly states that only God can do that).
Rather, the goal is to be faithful to the humanity of the adolescent and to be fully present as place-sharers in the lives of our students.
Stay tuned for my wrap up and final review of Root’s book.
Over the next few days, I intend to present a review, reflection, and response to Andrew Root’s book Revisiting Relational Youth Ministry. This book was the result of his PHD dissertation at Fuller Theological Seminary (I think) and while it is highly academic, much can be learned about practical youth ministry from his research and discoveries.
I am glad to find out that Zondervan has contracted Andrew to rewrite a “layman’s” version of the book, for I feared that many of the concepts presented were too advanced for your average youth leaders. Not to say that most people cannot sit down, read, and understand this book, but this would not be a book to pick up for a quick read about how to better relate to your students. (The cover may be a bit misleading). This is a highly intellectual and profound look into the history and theology of relational ministry from the truth of the incarnation.
Here are my thoughts on Part 1
In Andrew Root’s groundbreaking book about relational youth ministry, he articulates some wonderful discoveries through thorough reading and research into the incarnation of Jesus. Regarding these discoveries, he writes that “the incarnation was not a model or example, but was the very power of God present in human form among us today.” Additionally, he reminds us that “Jesus Christ is concretely present to us in our relational lives, in our person-to-person encounters, in the I and you. “
Root argues that ministry is about “connection, one to another, about sharing in suffering and joy, about persons meeting persons with no pretense or secret motives. It is about shared life, confessing Christ not outside the relationship but within it.”
The deficiency of modern youth ministry is that it has caused youth pastors to see relationships in a goal-oriented rather than a companionship-oriented fashion (which Root argues is more faithful to a theology of the incarnation.
In part one, Andrew does an excellent job outlining and detailing the history of adolescence and youth ministry in America. With each new generation of students, the “goals” of youth ministry changed from reinforcing Christian commitment to protecting young people from the treats of culture. Following in the wake of big event youth rallies, youth ministry transitioned into a “relational” form of influence.
Leaders such as Jim Rayburn of Young Life discovered that by his relational contact with adolescents he could “win the right” of their participation in his event. As Root notes, “by being in relationship with adolescents, Rayburn formed a strategy for helping them come into personal relationships with Jesus Christ. Rayburn’s approach to youth ministry was essentially a missionary effort by Christian adults to win uncommitted high school students to a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.”
However, this approach to youth ministry seems to be lacking and no longer working in many contexts. Youth pastors back in the day used this form of relational youth ministry as a pattern for ministry, since it appeared that was what Jesus did. Root argues for seeing the theology and implications behind the incarnation as the basis for authentic relational ministry as opposed to relationships based upon influence.
Relationships with agendas, conditions, or attachments must change.
Here is the big question:
What if your only agenda is to see this one particular student come to know Jesus?
Is that such a bad agenda?
Some may argue against Root and claim that as “Christian” youth workers, that must be our only agenda..and we should run with that agenda and platform like seasoned politicians.
Here’s the problem. Kids today see right through agendas and do not by into the “relationship of influence” model that so many of today’s youth pastors still subscribe to.
And here’s why: What if this student never comes to know Jesus? What happens then?
Does your friendship and relationship change? Will you shake the dust off your hands and be done with that one student and move onto the next?
Or take this example:
I recently met a young freshman in high school who came up to me and said, “Dan I am not interested in God, spiritual things, or church and you can’t convince me otherwise. I am not going to change my mind on this either, so don’t bother trying.”
(I really liked this kid…what authenticity and attitude!)
So…do I then not bother with him or invest in his life
Or do I say something like the following: (which I actually did say)
“Good man, I don’t care that you don’t care.. I just want to get to know you.”
You should have seen the look on his face…and you know what, he still comes each week.
(personally I do think he cares…certainly enough to attend a youth group at a church!)
In fact, Root’s research showed that the majority of youth pastors polled ultimately believed their main goal and purpose was to influence students toward making a decision about salvation.
One youth leader stood out as the anomaly. He explained that relational ministry must be built on unconditional love, with the hope that adolescents themselves would become incarnational agents who engaged the world with compassion and care.
Not a bad definition!
The question of course, is how does that all play out in a local setting with students?
In his conclusion to Part 1, Root writes, “relationships have been used for cultural leverage (getting adolescents to believe or obey) rather than as the concrete location of God’s action in the world”.
“Youth ministry of influence has very little to do with the incarnation…the incarnation is not about influence but accompaniment.”
“Christ calls me into self-giving, suffering love for the adolescent, with no pretense or agenda.”
So the question beckons us then…how do we do this in youth ministry?
Stay tuned for Part 2 of my review on his Part 2!
Closing quote for reflection:
“Ministry is not about helping these kids be better Christians; it is about helping them be what God created them to be-human”.
There would be nights at youth group when i would think to myself, “I hope a new kid does not come. I don’t want them to feel awkward or think we are part of a cult!”
Some nights at youth group would include heavy doses of intense “spiritual” things for our core kids.
Then some nights, we changed the music, games, and an alternated lesson to make it more fun and relevant, less intimidating, and always mixed with an added gospel presentation.
But it got me to thinking…is our faith that compartmentalized?
We should be able to welcome any new student to our program on any given night without fear of freaking them out. If our faith is real, relative, and alive, than that should be attractive to a generation seeking meaning, purpose, and hope.
Within our expressions of faith and journeys with Jesus, there are elements of fun, laughter, conversation, Biblical exploration, prayer, and spiritual exercises. It’s all there. We don’t have to promote the spiritual aspects just for our solid kids, and then hide the religious stuff and break out the fun and wacky games for the uncommitted ones.
At our youth group, we make no excuses for being all about Jesus. But it took us a long time to get there.
But we also present and live out our faith in very real and tangible ways that actually can, and should, be attractive to prospective students.
Today’s adolescents are truly longing for meaning, purpose, significance, and spirituality.
They are crying out for relationships: deeper ones with each other and ones with some transcend and good God.
Is that no what youth group should be about on all nights?
The outreach events now are not based on playing some new Christian band that kind of sounds like some other popular band on the radio.
Nor do we try to entertain them with huge movie projector nights, some sort of inflatable obstacle course, or cheesy themed night like Hawaiian night.
Kids just don’t buy into that stuff anymore.
Plus, we cant keep up with the entertainment they have at home and at their fingertips, so why bother? Even if we had big enough budgets, is that how we should be spending our time and energy?
And truthfully, they see right through those gimmicks and false advertising anyways.
They know that the real reason we are hosting this event or offering free pizza is because we want to preach to them and get them “saved”…not to build life-long relationships and deep friendships.
So, after about six years of the same old same old, our “outreach” events are now geared around community service opportunities such as Food Outreach, Soup Kitchens, 30 Hour Famine, AIDS relief, etc..
I find that kids know exactly what they are getting into and are actually excited for the opportunity to make a difference and do something positive in our community and world. There is no false advertising and no hidden agendas and we actually get more kids out to these events then Karate Night!
Another benefit is that my youth group kids are much more comfortable inviting friends to these events then to a typical church function or handing out fliers for “friend night”
Once they have experienced what it means to serve and love someone above ourselves (the way Jesus did) I can then explain to them in very real terms how this is part of the mission of God to restore, redeem,and repair the world…and that he would love for them to partner with Him.
So, now we no longer promote “friend night” or plan large outreach events. Rather, we invite all students to come to participate and partner with God, encounter God’s spirit, and learn about what it means and looks like to follow the way of Jesus in the world.
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